Today we have a sneak peek from the humorous novel by Marita Fowler: Fat Bodyguards.
Saucy calzones Shasta and Ulyssa have earned an honorary spot in the mafia with their wetwork, but the girls are ready to leave the crazy mob life behind and return to Nitro. They’ve got one foot out the door when a desperate Nicolo makes them an offer they can’t refuse. A fat paycheck to take his daughter on a vacation far, far away from New Jersey. Paranoia fueled situations keep the girls on their toes, but they’re caught flatfooted when attackers kidnap Princess and disappear without a trace. The only thing worse than guarding Nicolo’s daughter…is losing her. Armed with plastic guns and southern charm, they set out on the most perilous adventure of their lives.
And now, an excerpt from Fat Bodyguards…
A bullet rocketed from the gun, lodging into the wall panelling between Nicolo’s legs. He dove sideways to protect his manhood, while I jumped onto the dog pile and wrestled the gun from Cosmo’s hand.
Ulyssa dug an elbow into Cosmo’s ribs as she stood up. The precise impact knocked the wind out Cosmo and she rolled on her back trying to catch her breath.
That’s her signature move.
“Let me at her,” Princess yelled.
Donnie restrained Princess as she struggled to join the fight.
“Enuff!” Nicolo bellowed. “Cosmo, I’m not cheating. I love you. This wedding is making you friggin crazy. Cut it out or I’ll call the whole thing off.”
It was a good thing I was holding her at gunpoint or I think Nicolo would have been digging fake nails out of his eyes.
“Yeah, call it off. You don’t want to marry that psycho!” Princess yelled from behind Donnie’s grip.
“Enuff outta you too. You need to get outta here, so I can finish the plans for your party.”
“Boss, I don’t feel so good.” Joey whispered from the floor. “I think I need a doctor.”
Nicolo threw up his hands and shouted at the sky. “Everybody. Out!”
I laid Cosmo’s gun on his desk and we turned to leave.
“Not you two. You stay. Everyone else. Out.”
Donnie released Princess and helped Joey to his feet.
“Nicolo…” Cosmo lagged behind pouting her silicon lips.
He pointed at the door. “Out. We’ll talk about this when I get home.”
She gave us a warning look on her way out the door.
Nicolo walked over to a small bar and poured whiskey from a decanter into a crystal glass. “Want a drink?”
We shook our heads.
He swirled the contents, before taking a long swig. “Maybe I should just go to jail. At least I’d get some peace and quiet there. Or maybe I should keep you two here to protect me and send the guys on the cruise.”
We rumbled in protest.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I need my best protecting Princess.”
He swished another mouthful of whiskey before continuing. “Cosmo will calm down after the wedding.”
We sat absolutely still, trying to avoid the tricky conversation.
He tossed back the remainder of the whiskey before crossing the room and pulling a fistful of colorful cruise brochures out of his desk. He handed them to Ulyssa. “Give ‘em a look and let me know which one you like.”