Tag: satire

Automotive Solutions: A Friend to Indie Authors

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Trustworthy and reliable!

Here at Automotive Solutions, we recognize and sympathize with the plight of indie authors.

That’s why we offer a free publishing contract with every purchase. Not only will you drive off the lot with a premium previously-owned automobile, but you will have the peace of mind of knowing all the grunt work of editing and publishing* your work is covered!

Larry back there runs the copy machine and my niece is in honors English. The covers are all professionally done by the guy who does our signs. You won’t have to worry about no one being able to read your name!

You need what all successful authors need: reliable transportation. No credit? No Problem!** Come on down today and get a free bag of cat food with any test drive! The keys to success might just happen to fit in an ignition switch!

*Separate charges may apply to processing, handling, reading, proofing, editing, layout, design, cover art, other publication services, and marketing.
**Applies to cash transactions only.

Hermit Writer’s Life Magazine

hermit writers life 2Is this you: You really, really want to write that novel, but you can’t manage to do it while working for the man. Your writing is calling you, and you feel tormented. You want to sell everything and move to the middle of nowhere to answer your authorial calling. You’d make the move to writing full-time in a heartbeat if you just knew how.

Well, look no further! Hermit Writer’s Life Magazine has just launched, providing authors just like you with the information needed to make that move. Each monthly issue is packed with tips for the novice hermit-in-training to the old pros who are looking for new and interesting ways to keep things comfy.

Our staff of successful and experienced hermit authors will provide you with the tools you need to:

  • Find remote properties on which you can squat
  • Start fires without matches
  • Keep food without refrigeration
  • Recharge your laptop using homemade solar panels
  • Pirate internet service to upload your manuscripts
  • Identify animals which may try to eat you
  • And much, much more.

So don’t put off that move any longer! Follow your dream now! Subscribe to Hermit Writer’s Life Magazine today, and as a bonus we’ll send you the Wilderness Weight Loss Guide for free! (additional shipping and handling charges apply.)

Insousciance!

insoucianceThe life of an indie author is often difficult. Artists such as yourself must be able to readily access the full panoply of emotions when crafting your characters, but you are expected to turn it all off when someone craps on your work with a scathing review.

We at ChemCorp Nutraceuticals think that’s unfair, and we’re here to help. By combining vitamin-rich emollients with largely legal mood stabilizers and a powerful nerve agent, you can have soft skin and a thick hide. Let them say what they will. It will all bounce off you like corruption charges off a politician.

Insousiance facial cream and calmative is the first of our line of products especially for indie authors. After all, why should vanity publishers be the only ones getting rich off you guys? Also, we care. You’re welcome.

Video Trailer: BAD BOOK

The name’s Case. Just Case, that’s all. He is a man among men and therefore no first name is needed.

Women want to smack him – men want to smack him, too, just harder. Join Case on his epic travels through multiple literary genres as he ruins horror, space-adventure, noir detective, spy-thriller, westerns, classics of literature, pop culture icons and more with his own unique panache.

Never before has a spoof conquered so much with so little.

Bad Book, the bawdy spoof by authors K. S. Brooks, Stephen Hise, and JD Mader, is available from Amazon, Amazon UK, Smashwords, and Barnes & Noble.

Don’t forget, you can cast your vote for trailer of the month on March 29, 2014 at 5 p.m. Pacific time.