Sure, we all love having robots, but how hard is it to sleep with those glowing red eyes glaring at you from the dark? What if the solution was as simple as slipping our patented Robot Sleep Mask over your robot’s head?
That takes care of the glaring eyes, but you also wonder whether your robot’s wireless interface is being hijacked by your enemies. What if they send your robot instructions to wake you up late and you miss an important meeting? What if they program the robot to strangle you while you sleep?
You can sleep safe and sound, knowing the Robot Sleep Mask is coated with Cybershield, a break-though coating that prevents your robot from receiving malicious outside instructions and spam.
Why go through the hassle of powering down your robot every night when the solution is as easy as just slipping on a one-size-fits-most ROBOT SLEEP MASK? Now available in a wide variety of colors, including Charcoal (shown), Ecrue, Spring Mint, Autumn Russett, Quicksilver, Sunset Peach, Vivid Vermillion, and Brown.
[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by the fine folks at Hobo Valley Properties, formerly Toxic Waste Disposal Enterprises.]
Times are hard and money is tight. That’s no reason to forgo a precious and well-earned vacation in the heartland of America’s beautiful wilderness. Situated ideally between the serenity of an Air Force missile testing range and the aromatic wonders of a local hog rendering plant, Hobo Valley has cabins for rent that meet every price range.
Hobo Valley Resort and Spa is a perfect writer’s getaway. With no phones or cellular signals, and very little gunfire coming from the nearby survivalist camp after 10 PM, you’ll find all the peace and quiet you need to complete your masterpiece. They are even offering a special Writer’s Retreat package especially for Indies Unlimited readers! This includes a deluxe room with its own private outhouse, a hotplate, styrofoam ice chest (ice not included), and a complimentary welcome basket containing box of local wine and an assortment of fruits and goodies from this area. You can’t get a deal like this anywhere else! Call today for prices and availability and get to work on your next blockbuster hit!
Fine print: yes, the apostrophe is before the 's' in Writer's Retreat on purpose since we can only take one writer at a time. Rates are per person, single occupancy. We reserve the right to reject any guest upon arrival. A guest damage deposit is required and will be refunded upon departure if you leave the room in better condition than you found it. There is a broom and vacuum cleaner in the closet, just sayin'. Please do not remove the fly strips in the outhouse even if they hit you in the forehead. Not responsible for bedbugs, fleas, or other infestations guests might experience in the room. Enjoy your stay!
Yeah, that’s right. I’m an author. That means I’m cerebral. I work out with my brain, not my body, which means that my Nordic Track machine is used to hang laundry. It works quite nicely in that capacity. And now, to make matters worse, here in the Northern Hemisphere, anyway, it’s the height of Winter and that means even less moving about outside. All you folks south of the Equator – it’s too hot for you to be out and about too, right? And heap our New Year’s Resolutions on top of all this guilt – what can we do to stay in shape?
Our Laurie Boris tried to get us to start some good habits like stretching and some strange, new-fangled ergonomic stuff. All that’s fine and dandy, but I can’t really see someone like me actually making the effort to do any of it. So, in the true spirit of entrepreneurial opportunism, I’ve developed an exercise program tailored specifically for authors (and anyone who spends extended hours at a computer). Because what good is a program you won’t actually use?
That’s right, I’ve taken activities in which you participate every day and turned them into exercises! How can you go wrong? Well, duh, you can’t. Continue reading “Easy Physical Fitness for Authors”
The holiday season is upon us and I wanted to take this opportunity to wish all you little Indies a fabulous – er – holiday season. I meant to do that – to prove a point. One of the great things about being an Indie is that you can go back and edit things after you’ve published them. Being an Indie is akin to freedom – freedom to publish whatever you want, whenever you want, and then being able to correct it, or not.
I’ve been hearing rumors that some of your books aren’t selling. Or not selling much. That’s a risk you take, you know, when you don’t have a name like mine, Bob Hammond, to precede you and generate sales. “How do you do it, Bob?” you ask. That’s Mr. Hammond to you, kid. And I’ll tell you how I do it – in fact, I wrote this book as a Christmas gift specifically for you Indies. Yes, I know, it’s benevolent of me and all that. That’s how I roll. I’m Bob Hammond.
You can read my uplifting advice to Indies in my new book: Bob Hammond: All That and a Bag of Bob Hammond-Flavored Chips. That’s right. I’m delicious. And not only that, this book is chock full of inspirational quotes to help little Indies keep their chins up during these tough times. Watch out, Howie Hughes, I’m about to dethrone you as king of the Indies. And really, trying to capitalize on having the same name as that tycoon guy? Sheesh. That’s what pomme-de-terres are for. That was free advice. You’re welcome.
Like I was saying, I’ve got inspirational quotes just for you Indies, like:
- Don’t worry, you won’t be a starving author forever – eventually you’ll die.
- Once you’re dead, you have a shot at post-hummus fame. So, you have twice the chances to be famous!
- Just think, twenty years ago, you couldn’t have published that!
- Isn’t it great to be in control of your career?
So buck up, little Indie, and give yourself the gift of Bob Hammond this holiday season. What could be better? That was a trick question. Nothing could be better, of course. You’re welcome.