Author: L. A. Lewandowski

Lois Lewandowski graduated from Rutgers University with a degree in Political Science and French Literature. A passion for life lived well is reflected in her novels, Born to Die-The Montauk Murders, A Gourmet Demise, and My Gentleman Vampire, giving readers a glimpse into the world of the beau monde. Lois lives in Tampa, Florida. Learn more at her lifestyle blog, and her Amazon author page.

My Hormones Made Me Do It

Hormones. You can’t live with too many, and you can’t live without enough. Yes, my friend, without the proper hormone balance you will curl up like the feet of the Wicked Witch of the West when Dorothy removed the Ruby Slippers. Hormones are fascinating little buggers, and incredibly useful to the premenstrual writer. Sit back and enjoy the scene below as written by a woman in the grips of estrogen dominance.

I am the White Ninja.

One evening I sat at the kitchen table and watched my husband walk around the pool surveying his kingdom. Suddenly, I detested him and was determined to arrest his ability to suck in oxygen that should have rightly been mine. I imagined myself as a White Ninja, creeping stealthily up behind him, unsheathing the gleaming weapon I had sharpened only that morning. He turned, eyes widening as the swoosh of my sword smoothly sliced across his neck, decapitating him. It was a clean and perfect cut. His head bounced twice landing in the pool, the crimson clouds spreading smoothly like crimson cumulus clouds. Continue reading “My Hormones Made Me Do It”

Embracing A Muse – or Two

Salvador and Gala Dali

This was not the first topic I chose for my weekly post. I had planned on discussing why I feel every author of adult fiction should include one steamy, gratuitous sex scene in their novel. At least one. But the subject of sex in novels has already been discussed, so I reach my hand back into the cookie jar – oh no! Why must I be tortured!

The semi-colon. Is this a cruel joke? Punishment by punctuation? I never put this idea into my virtual cookie jar as a topic for reflection. Someone here at Indies Unlimited must have done so. I will make a bold and controversial statement thus drawing the ire of all competent editors. I believe the semi-colon has outlived its usefulness, except as an embellishment at the end of a declarative sentence. So there! Continue reading “Embracing A Muse – or Two”

Gender Bender

And now for something completely different.

Will the real L.A. Lewandowski please stand up?

Am I really who I say I am? None of you have ever met me. Am I a creation of my own making, a project of my inner Pygmalion? Is the face that smiles back at you me, or am I actually an eighty year old Polish woman wearing a babushka smelling invitingly of stuffed cabbage and pierogi? Admit it, you can’t really be sure.

Or can you? There is one thing for certain, my friends, I write like a girl. The color of my cocktail seeps through the pages, pooling into a pretty, pink puddle. It’s delicious, I must admit. I am not able to feel like a man, and I have never wanted to be one. There is only one exception – a cameo as a big, burly hockey player, smashing opponents into the boards and scoring the winning goal. But I digress. Continue reading “Gender Bender”

Commas Are A Girl’s Best Friend

Lois Lewandowski
Comma Addict Lois Lewandowski

Until I began writing I didn’t realize that I spoke in commas. Commas allow me to link the disparate thoughts in my head and confuse my husband who doesn’t know exactly when he can join the conversation.  I also love to sprinkle commas liberally throughout whatever I write, using their pleasing curves at will. Editors love me.

I should never have been possessed by this obsession. I was inoculated religiously in Catholic school to understand the judicious use of commas. Sister Leo Veronica was the punctuation warden, the veiled mistress of the comma, and we students bent to her will. How disappointed she would be to see the level I’ve descended to. How shocked and scandalized to witness my obsession with the comma’s seductive shape! Continue reading “Commas Are A Girl’s Best Friend”