Coming Soon: Bad Book, the Movie

bad book movie poster finalK.S. Brooks has announced she has concluded negotiations with a Hollywood film production company to sell the rights to Bad Book. The deal includes hundreds of dollars in a cash advance to Brooks. Her co-authors will receive an assortment of wine coolers and free passes to the movie when it comes to theaters in their towns.

Asked about whether the seemingly significant difference in the remuneration between Brooks and her co-authors would cause difficulties, Brooks said, “Well, they tried really hard. I didn’t want to see them come away with nothing.”

Naughty Monkey Media, the company that has purchased the rights, is best known for several modestly successful films it made in the 1980s, including: The Brunch Club, Just Say Something, Seventeen Candles, and an exercise video called The Hills Have Thighs.

Casting has not been finalized yet, but the rumor mill is running full tilt with speculation about whether Matthew McConaughey or Owen Wilson will play the lead role of misadventurer Jim Case. Hollywood buzz also suggests the movie could be a comeback opportunity for Lindsay Lohan.

Popular opinion is that Jonah Hill would be a natural for the role of bumbling sidekick, Norman, but a little bird tells us we might not be too far off to look in the direction of Oscar-winner, Dustin Hoffman, who may consider gaining 40 pounds and losing 35 years to play the part.

Naughty Monkey Media is playing it close to the chest, suggesting other casting alternatives are possible. Bruno “The Sleaze” Sleazak, acquisitions director for Naughty Monkey says, “You know in Hollywood, there is an A list and B list of actors. We are not ruling out going to the C list for this one.”

Brooks is highly optimistic about the film’s prospects for success. “As a novel, Bad Book raked in tens of dollars. I see no reason the movie couldn’t match or even exceed those revenues.”

Hypnopotamus

Hypnopotamus BWMarketing products of any kind is challenging, and more so in a culture inured to the standard marketing techniques.

These days, you need to be able to reach your target audience quickly and effectively. You must tap into their subconscious desires to buy your product or service right now!

Genetic Research Associates, in conjunction with Nigerian Oil Minister Marketing International, is pleased to announce a breakthrough. By using the amazing mental powers of our genetically-modified hippopotamus to break through that wall of sales-resistance, the prospect becomes a customer in mere seconds.

But is it ethical? Of course it is! People can’t be convinced under hypnosis to do something they wouldn’t normally do. For instance, those people who cluck like a chicken when they’re put under – you know they must have wanted to do that, right? Who wouldn’t?

As an author, you know people want to buy your book, but some irrational process is interfering with acting on that wholesome impulse. Is that fair? Of course not. The hypnopotomus simply bypasses all that to get to YES!

$165,000 an hour might seem like a lot of money to invest in book promotion, but not if you care about your book. You do care about your book, right? Not convinced yet? Just look at that adorable hypnopotamus.

Look into his eyes.

Look deeply…

Automotive Solutions: A Friend to Indie Authors

used-car-salesman-290x208
Trustworthy and reliable!

Here at Automotive Solutions, we recognize and sympathize with the plight of indie authors.

That’s why we offer a free publishing contract with every purchase. Not only will you drive off the lot with a premium previously-owned automobile, but you will have the peace of mind of knowing all the grunt work of editing and publishing* your work is covered!

Larry back there runs the copy machine and my niece is in honors English. The covers are all professionally done by the guy who does our signs. You won’t have to worry about no one being able to read your name!

You need what all successful authors need: reliable transportation. No credit? No Problem!** Come on down today and get a free bag of cat food with any test drive! The keys to success might just happen to fit in an ignition switch!


*Separate charges may apply to processing, handling, reading, proofing, editing, layout, design, cover art, other publication services, and marketing.
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Hermit Writer’s Life Magazine

hermit writers life 2Is this you: You really, really want to write that novel, but you can’t manage to do it while working for the man. Your writing is calling you, and you feel tormented. You want to sell everything and move to the middle of nowhere to answer your authorial calling. You’d make the move to writing full-time in a heartbeat if you just knew how.

Well, look no further! Hermit Writer’s Life Magazine has just launched, providing authors just like you with the information needed to make that move. Each monthly issue is packed with tips for the novice hermit-in-training to the old pros who are looking for new and interesting ways to keep things comfy.

Our staff of successful and experienced hermit authors will provide you with the tools you need to:

  • Find remote properties on which you can squat
  • Start fires without matches
  • Keep food without refrigeration
  • Recharge your laptop using homemade solar panels
  • Pirate internet service to upload your manuscripts
  • Identify animals which may try to eat you
  • And much, much more.

So don’t put off that move any longer! Follow your dream now! Subscribe to Hermit Writer’s Life Magazine today, and as a bonus we’ll send you the Wilderness Weight Loss Guide for free! (additional shipping and handling charges apply.)