Tag: satire

Formula for an Action-Adventure Bestseller

Special Agent Kathrin Night
Every action-adventure blockbuster needs babes, guns and explosions. Special Agent Kathrin Night drawn by Artist Bernie Shuman.

Yeah, yeah, I know: I shouldn’t be sharing this for free. So, what do I ask in return? Remember me when you’re at the opening night of your blockbuster film. And…you can always make a donation using the PayPal button on this page. You can’t really put a price on the advice I’m about to give you, but give it a shot. More zeros after the number in front and before the decimal point is a good start.

I know how it goes – you’re sitting there staring at your screen trying to figure out how to make that action-adventure work-in-progress into a grabbing, mind-blowing, future bestseller. Look, I’ve been doing this a long time, and I’ve seen all the Rambo movies – so I know a thing or two. And I am now going to help you by taking the guess work out of this whole shebang for you. Follow my advice below, and you’ll be Hollywood-bound, my friend! Continue reading “Formula for an Action-Adventure Bestseller”

Happy Holidays From Hayes and Fowler

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by Hayes and Fowler.]

The hustle and bustle of the holiday season is upon us. The chaos and confusion are only heightened by the ridiculous sales featured by otherwise reputable merchants.

Why should the cream of society wait in long lines just for the privilege of pawing through bins of last year’s fashions?

At Hayes and Fowler, we cater to the exclusive tastes of the pinnacle of society. To make your holiday season more enjoyable, we have doubled the prices on our entire inventory of fine jewelry and fashions. That should keep out the riff-raff. Remember, peace is priceless to those for whom money is no object. Happy Holidays.

A Message from Mariner Petrochemical

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by the fine folks at Mariner Petrochemical.]

As you have no doubt noticed, energy prices are skyrocketing and the government is making it more and more difficult to explore and drill for new oil. Energy demands are at an all-time high and show no sign of declining.

As fate would have it, our seas are choked with whales, a source of clean, natural, organic, and renewable energy.

Let’s face it, whales are just too big for a crowded world. Sure, they’re neat when you see them swimming in the ocean, but that’s not all they do in there, you know. You really want to swim around in that?

And though whales have a reputation as gentle and intelligent creatures, we have it on good authority that they eat people and blame sharks for it.

If you’ve ever been on a whale-watching boat and gotten sprayed with about thirty gallons of whale snot, you might not feel so warm and fuzzy about them. That is not cool, man. Not cool at all. Seriously, what have whales done for you?

So, the next time you pull into a gas station to fill up, be sure to do the smart thing and say, “Make mine whale!”

NaBooWriMo Challenge Update

You see, I’m pretty certain most of you thought I couldn’t pull it off. “How can that crazy broad possibly come out with three books in one month?” you might have asked. Hopefully you didn’t answer yourself. If you did, you may want to seek some counseling.

I have to say, there was a point last week when I realized the month was more than half over – and I got a little nervous that I was not going to be able to meet Ms. Laurie Boris’s double-dog-dare to produce three books during November 2012. I’m a ridiculously competitive person, and the thought of not being able to get those three books done instilled near-panic in me. Sure, everyone else would have said, “You got two books published, that’s awesome!” But that’s not good enough. Not for me. Continue reading “NaBooWriMo Challenge Update”