Author: Bob Hammond

Bob Hammond is the world-renowned author of two runaway bestselling series, The Hunger Game of Thrones, and Fifty Shades of Twilight. He is also the award-winning author of the historical novel, A Puritan in Zanzabar, and the self-help book, In Your Own Hands: A Single Man's Guide to Internet Romance. Don't tell Bob he is fictitious. It might hurt his feelings.

A New Site for Indies

Bob Hammond Chapter OnesYes, that’s right. Bob Hammond here once again. You all know me as a bestselling author with a larger-than-life personality. That’s right. My reputation precedes me.

That’s why I have to say, while these folks here at Undies Unlimited sure do have their hearts in the right places, I finally have to put my foot down. On them. You see, being an “Indie” doesn’t mean it’s okay to sit around in your underwear writing. No sir. Writing should be done whilst wearing a suit and a tie. We’re professionals, you know.

So, I have decided to start my own web site to champion and pioneer the way for you little Indies. That’s right. I shall call it Indies, Limited, because there will be a dress code. Let’s class the joint up a little, shall we?

And to kick off the launch of this new site – which is typographically error-free, by the way – I’m pleased to announce the release of the first new book published under the Indies, Limited label! Yes, that’s right, I actually used an exclamation point. Because you need this.

Since I have published eleventy million books, you little Indies may have quite a conundrum on your hands trying to figure out which ones are best for you. Since they’re all so incredibly good, of course. So, to make it easy for you, Indies, Limited and I have put together a smorgasbord wrapped in a buffet pushed on a dim sum cart just for you. It contains the chapter ones of all my books, at one low, low price. We’re calling it Eleventy-Million Chapter Ones. That’s right. Each chapter one has a purchase link at the end of it so you can buy the book that pleases you the most. Ah, the brilliance of that idea. I bet the Undies people here wish they’d thought of it.

So hurry on over to my pioneering new website, Indies, Limited. But make sure you’re wearing a tie. We can’t be having ruffians running about in their underwear. You’re welcome.

Happy Holidays to All of You from All of Me

Bob Hammond holidayThat’s right, happy holidays to you, whatever you celebrate. I don’t mean to frighten you, but I’ve noticed recently that there seems to be a lot of electricity and fire involved in these holiday celebrations. That sounds dangerous. Of course, I’m not worried, as Danger is my middle name, which you may have read in my novel, Bob Hammond: Living Dangerously.

In any case, with all that fire danger around, I wanted to tell you about my gift to you this holiday season. That’s right, little people, I actually did do something with you in mind. Considering the open flames of candelabra thingies, fireplaces, and tangled and frayed electrical cords going to and from your peasant-like decorations, having paper around is a serious and possibly catastrophic hazard. So I’ve re-released all my “dead tree books,” as you people call them, as eBooks! I know, that’s amazingly thoughtful, right?

That’s right, this holiday season, you can give yourself the firesafe gift of Bob Hammond in electronic book for Kindle, Nookie, Kobra or something, and whatever else other contraption you can read eBooks on.

So, happy holidays, folks. And stay safe with an eBook from Bob Hammond. The life you save may be your own.

Bob Hammond Thanksgiving

Bob Hammond thanksgivingThe season of thanks is upon us and as before, I suspect many of you will be giving thanks for my many fabulous books. Here’s my latest instant bestseller:
A Bob Hammond Thanksgiving.

I wrote this book for the trillions of Americans, whatever their nationality, to say, “You’re welcome.”

As a bonus, I include some of my favorite holiday recipes so you’ll know what to feed me if you’re ever fortunate enough have the opportunity to prepare a meal for me.

Remember, just because you’re cooking a turkey doesn’t mean you have to read one. So throw away whatever bargain-bin crap you’ve been filling your brain with and enjoy a feast for your mind. If this book were a restaurant entree, it would be the most expensive thing on the menu stuffed with the second most expensive thing and drenched in champagne. Enjoy.

1001 Bad Ideas

1001 Bad IdeasAre you sick and tired of people ripping off your great ideas and making millions from something you thought of first? If, like hundreds of other people, you are constantly plagued with great ideas, breakthrough thinking, and inspired vision, this book is for you!

It may be impossible to keep people from stealing your ideas, but there is a way to make sure they suffer when they do: have bad ideas instead of good ones. With the multi-billion dollar awards given out by juries in civil cases these days, it just takes one bad idea for karma to come a knockin’.

Of course, you specialize in good ideas. You don’t know where to even begin looking for bad ideas. If only there were some ready-to-use resource. International mega-superstar author Bob Hammond comes to the rescue once again with his latest book, 1001 Bad Ideas.

Skeptical? Let’s have a peek:

#38 Bathtub Toaster: You’re relaxing in a nice bubble bath when you think to yourself, boy, some toast would be really good right now. BUT the toaster is all the way in the kitchen! With the bathtub toaster, you’ll never have to leave the tub again for a bathtime snack!

#157 Adult Incontinence Product with Voice Chip: Wearers of adult incontinence products no longer need fear the risk of infection and embarrassing odors from forgetting to change their garment. Now, with voice-chip technology, whether you’re lounging around the house, playing shuffleboard with friends, or sitting in church, a loud synthetic voice will remind you it is time to change your incontinence product!

#206 Quicksand Kitty Litter: Despite what most kitty litter products claim, they do not get rid of litterbox odors. The only way to eliminate cat odors is to eliminate the cat. Quicksand Kitty Litter: Buh-bye, Puff!

#819 Extreme Adventure Cruise Titanic Reenactment: You’ve seen the movie, but are you ready to live the adventure? Combine fine dining with the adrenaline rush of near-certain death in the icy North Atlantic waters as we actually ram our ship into a giant iceberg! This is an adventure vacation you’re sure to remember if you survive!

And these are just a sample of the truly horrible ideas guaranteed to get intellectual property thieves sued into oblivion. Get your copy today before somebody else beats you to it!