Tag: humor

Chris James: I admit J.K. Rowling wrote my books

Following fast on the heels of the news that J.K. Rowling wrote The Cuckoo’s Calling under the pseudonym of Robert Galbraith, author Chris James today admitted it was actually J.K. Rowling who wrote all his books. In a stunning announcement that has turned the publishing world on its feet then back on its head, James said:

“Yes, I’m afraid so. For the last three years I’ve been lying to all of you, and I’m deeply sorry, ashamed, and distraught. But now it’s time to reveal the truth. I bumped into Joanne in a café a few years back, and she asked me to self-publish these ground-breaking science fiction novels on her behalf, because she wanted to know how they would fare if everyone thought they’d been written by an unknown author. Well, she certainly got her answer!

 

“However, I can’t go on any longer with this shameful pretence. I cannot look my children in the eye again and tell them that their daddy wrote the books dedicated to them. I must end this empty charade! In my abject misery into which this revelation has thrown me, I only hope that you, my dear readers, will find a small place in your hearts to forgive me for this hopelessly cynical betrayal. I promise I won’t do it again.”

 

James’ news release also came with this boilerplate disclaimer:

None of this is true. Ms Rowling is of course entitled to leave as extensive a literary legacy as she wishes. However, it is not necessary for her to publish under a pseudonym to find out how crappy things are for unknown authors, and then reveal herself to drive the previously ignored novel to the top of the bestseller lists. There are a great many talented authors trying to tell original stories who work very bloody extremely hard at trying to get readers, and in such environment Ms Rowling publishing under a pseudonym is as necessary as this blog post.

I don’t read disclaimers.

THIS JUST IN: STEPHEN KING ADMITS HE IS J.K. ROWLING

In another stunning admission that turned the publishing world slightly to the left and then over at a forty-five degree angle, sources close to King came forward with a statement:

“It started when Stephen lost a bet to Clive Cussler. The woman whom the public knows as J.K. Rowling is an actress King hired to perpetuate the illusion.”

 

Well. All-in-all, a pretty standard week. You may now resume your normal activities.

A Dinosaur in a Young Adult’s World

Guest post
by Parker Moose

On June 8th, I released my debut novel. The world replied with crickets. The next day I sent a message to all of my contacts on Twitter and Facebook asking them to buy my book. That got me about a 10 percent response rate and a brief bump in Amazon’s rankings. But then I ran out of people who thought they might have known me in high school, and it was back to anonymity.

Lured by the siren song and royalties of KDP Select, I chose to be exclusive with Amazon and tried my first free promotion. The results of that were inconclusive, except for another brief bump in the standings and the unexpected finding that Germans really love free books. But then, sales tapered off again. It was time to get serious. Continue reading “A Dinosaur in a Young Adult’s World”

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Travel Tips for Your Vacation

I am given to understand that vacations are not completely extinct in some sectors of society.

Presumably, there are people who still travel for pleasure, and may even take their families along.

For writers, the challenges are many. It can be difficult to leave our characters at home, since they live in our heads.

The writer inside you will still be on. You’ll see people doing things and you will look for ways to incorporate or adapt some of those things into your writing. You’ll hear new words and phrases and possibly an interesting patois. There will be quirky mannerisms or speech tics. The scenery and settings will go into a mental file for later retrieval and use.

And, of course, the resort you go to will probably be run by a colony of vampires, or you will be drawn into some global political intrigue, or have to solve a murder case. The usual stuff. Continue reading “Travel Tips for Your Vacation”