Chris James: I admit J.K. Rowling wrote my books

Following fast on the heels of the news that J.K. Rowling wrote The Cuckoo’s Calling under the pseudonym of Robert Galbraith, author Chris James today admitted it was actually J.K. Rowling who wrote all his books. In a stunning announcement that has turned the publishing world on its feet then back on its head, James said:

“Yes, I’m afraid so. For the last three years I’ve been lying to all of you, and I’m deeply sorry, ashamed, and distraught. But now it’s time to reveal the truth. I bumped into Joanne in a café a few years back, and she asked me to self-publish these ground-breaking science fiction novels on her behalf, because she wanted to know how they would fare if everyone thought they’d been written by an unknown author. Well, she certainly got her answer!

 

“However, I can’t go on any longer with this shameful pretence. I cannot look my children in the eye again and tell them that their daddy wrote the books dedicated to them. I must end this empty charade! In my abject misery into which this revelation has thrown me, I only hope that you, my dear readers, will find a small place in your hearts to forgive me for this hopelessly cynical betrayal. I promise I won’t do it again.”

 

James’ news release also came with this boilerplate disclaimer:

None of this is true. Ms Rowling is of course entitled to leave as extensive a literary legacy as she wishes. However, it is not necessary for her to publish under a pseudonym to find out how crappy things are for unknown authors, and then reveal herself to drive the previously ignored novel to the top of the bestseller lists. There are a great many talented authors trying to tell original stories who work very bloody extremely hard at trying to get readers, and in such environment Ms Rowling publishing under a pseudonym is as necessary as this blog post.

I don’t read disclaimers.

THIS JUST IN: STEPHEN KING ADMITS HE IS J.K. ROWLING

In another stunning admission that turned the publishing world slightly to the left and then over at a forty-five degree angle, sources close to King came forward with a statement:

“It started when Stephen lost a bet to Clive Cussler. The woman whom the public knows as J.K. Rowling is an actress King hired to perpetuate the illusion.”

 

Well. All-in-all, a pretty standard week. You may now resume your normal activities.

Author: Stephen Hise

Stephen Hise is the Evil Mastermind and founder of Indies Unlimited. Hise is an independent author and an avid supporter of the indie author movement. Learn more about Stephen at his website or his Amazon author page.

40 thoughts on “Chris James: I admit J.K. Rowling wrote my books”

  1. I totally love it! I always like the humorous posts…They always seem to come when I need a laugh most.

    Now, I did have one problem…..I don’t understand what was meant by implying that indie authors have to struggle to get recognized. I always thought that the minute your book went live, millions of people around the world raced to their computers and tablets. I know that’s the way it was for me. I have to keep beating them back from my door. Of course, next week I’m going to have to admit that Dean Koontz collaborated with Robert McCammon and Richard Matheson to write my books.

    Okay…so none of that really happened…I can dream, can’t I.

      1. Oh no … you found me out! Wait .. No! I’m Richard Bachman … um … no, that’s not it. Hold on, let me call my shrink, I think he might know who I am…but I doubt it…he thinks my initials are MPD.

  2. And you didn’t tell us, Chris? I’m deeply hurt. Why, the IU minions are world-renowned for their ability to keep secrets!*

    *Except for Rich, who keeps blabbing about the hobos in the EM’s basement, of course.

  3. I would just like to thank the Evil Mastermind for showing the wisdom and sagacity that we’ve come to expect from one as awesomely awesome as he. I’m truly sorry for laying to everyone – Er, lying… I meant lying. Oh, how can I be an author if I don’t know the difference between “lay” and “lie”???!!!

    1. Ms. Rowling, I want to thank you for also writing my books. I don’t know how you have the time or the energy to manage all these novels, but they are indeed wonderful!

  4. i loved this funny post! i laughed my head off and grabbed it before it could bounce away…realizing that what JK Rowling has done is far from funny; as it seems to be a ploy to gain more attention and sell more books when she’s already one of the most successful authors in the world; what is the necessity?
    And yes, Stephen King is guilty as well; Mr. Bachman, meet your long lost twin brother, Robert Gilbraith, and oh, watch out; the skirt is there, because he is a she!

    1. It was fun teaming up with Chris on this. I have to admit it was his idea.

      Seriously though, I am not sure Rowling did this to get publicity. As you pointed out, she doesn’t need it. It is quite revealing about the publishing industry, though. I guess the gatekeepers aren’t so great at knowing talent when they see it, huh?

  5. I have to admit, although my daughter and oldest granddaughter are fans of JK, I’ve avoided reading her books until now. But having found out that she wrote that book I thought was written by Chris James, I think I’ll give her a try.

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