Tag: parody

A Bit Late

K. S. Brooks on Snow ShoesOkay, so this post is a bit late. Clearly I’ve been slacking again. Here’s a list of things I’m going to try to accomplish and/or be better at this year.

#1 – I will try harder not to stab someone when they blurt out completely useless information while I’m trying to concentrate on my writing.

#2 – I’ve learned my lesson about creative license and won’t use “matters of homeland security” as an excuse not to have dental work done. I apologize to the nice men in suits who had to come all the way out to my house to, uh, interview me.

#3 – I won’t wait until October to kick it into gear this year. Books can be written in quarters one, two and three, not just Q4 in a ridiculous marathon sprint.

#4 – I’ll actually write most of my own books myself this year. I said most. Most is a relative term. Don’t get technical on me. Continue reading “A Bit Late”

Formula for a Romance Bestseller

The Kiss of Night
All romantic blockbusters should have smoking hot women and half naked men.

[This is a satirical article. If you want instruction on how to write a romance novel from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about, try this article. – The Administrators.]

In my last installment, I shared with you the formula for writing a blockbuster action/adventure bestseller. I really can’t believe you missed it, but in case you did, you can read it here. In this installment, I’m going to give you the top secret formula for writing the romance novel that people just can’t resist. That includes the people in Hollywood. They’re going to be banging down your door to get their hands on this one, so watch out. I hope you’re prepared for all that fame and fortune, because it’s coming!

What makes me think I can tell you how to do this? Well, sure, I haven’t actually written a romance novel, but there is romance in my novels. Also, they filmed Failure to Launch and The Wedding Crashers right near where I lived. Not good enough? I’ve won awards, for crying out loud. Whether they have anything to do with writing doesn’t matter, really. They’re awards. Be impressed and shut up.

Now let’s get to it. Follow my advice below, and you’ll be Hollywood-bound, my friend!

Continue reading “Formula for a Romance Bestseller”

Formula for an Action-Adventure Bestseller

Special Agent Kathrin Night
Every action-adventure blockbuster needs babes, guns and explosions. Special Agent Kathrin Night drawn by Artist Bernie Shuman.

Yeah, yeah, I know: I shouldn’t be sharing this for free. So, what do I ask in return? Remember me when you’re at the opening night of your blockbuster film. And…you can always make a donation using the PayPal button on this page. You can’t really put a price on the advice I’m about to give you, but give it a shot. More zeros after the number in front and before the decimal point is a good start.

I know how it goes – you’re sitting there staring at your screen trying to figure out how to make that action-adventure work-in-progress into a grabbing, mind-blowing, future bestseller. Look, I’ve been doing this a long time, and I’ve seen all the Rambo movies – so I know a thing or two. And I am now going to help you by taking the guess work out of this whole shebang for you. Follow my advice below, and you’ll be Hollywood-bound, my friend! Continue reading “Formula for an Action-Adventure Bestseller”

NaBooWriMo Challenge Update

You see, I’m pretty certain most of you thought I couldn’t pull it off. “How can that crazy broad possibly come out with three books in one month?” you might have asked. Hopefully you didn’t answer yourself. If you did, you may want to seek some counseling.

I have to say, there was a point last week when I realized the month was more than half over – and I got a little nervous that I was not going to be able to meet Ms. Laurie Boris’s double-dog-dare to produce three books during November 2012. I’m a ridiculously competitive person, and the thought of not being able to get those three books done instilled near-panic in me. Sure, everyone else would have said, “You got two books published, that’s awesome!” But that’s not good enough. Not for me. Continue reading “NaBooWriMo Challenge Update”