Tag: parody

Advice to a First-time Indie Author

Carrot Top Plastic Surgery
How tight does it need to be?

Last week I received an email – a cry for help – from a new Indie Author. He had a number of questions about how he should proceed with his manuscript. I told him he came to the right place – because, as you know – I’ve been doing this for a REALLY long time. Here are his questions, and my responses.

The only person other than me who’s read my very first book is my Mommy. I’m a little uncertain of my skills – should I get someone outside of my family to reassure me that the book is good BEFORE I publish it? Continue reading “Advice to a First-time Indie Author”

My Opinion on Everything

K. S. Brooks with the Washington Post NewshoundThat’s right: I have an opinion on everything. I’ve shown you what your minimal requirements should be for building your author empire here. Now I’m going to tell you some other things you need to know.

1. Backlist. Having only one published book is NOT going to cut it. You need lots of books. If you expect to sell a million books, having a million titles to sell is a phenomenally good idea. That would mean you’d only have to sell one of each title to reach your goal. Of course, you know you can easily sell one book. So, your goal should be to write a good portion of the books you intend to sell. This is such simple logic. I don’t understand why no one gets this.

2. Loss Leader. A loss leader is something that you don’t mind losing money on because it draws people to your offerings and they purchase your other stuff. It’s like the sacrificial lamb of your backlist. This is something every author should have. I’m very good at loss leaders, so take my word for it. I have 10 of them. Continue reading “My Opinion on Everything”

Celebrate Writers and Editors

Like every month, September contains a basket load of oddball holidays and observances. There’s National Lazy Mom’s Day, Wonderful Weirdos Day (technically, September 9th, but celebrated every day in my house), Stay Away from Seattle Day, and the delightfully amusing Talk Like a Pirate and One Hit Wonder Days. Although we just missed International Enthusiasm week, I hope you might have a little excitement left for one of my favorite September observances: Be Kind to Writers and Editors Month. No, I am not making this one up. In 1984, someone at Lone Star Publishing fielded one too many questions about to when use “lie” or “lay”, went completely off his nut and covered the entire office with red-Sharpied conjugations of several naughty Latin irregular verbs. Continue reading “Celebrate Writers and Editors”

Breaking the Code

We all know that in the real estate business, words and phrases which sound like one thing really mean something else. Spin doctors probably worked countless hours to come up with an entire alternative vernacular for every negative attribute of any kind of property.

Cozy actually means cramped. Rustic means old and falling apart. Quaint means peculiar. You don’t have to spend much time shopping for homes to break the code, but it got you there. It’s up to the salesman to do the rest. Continue reading “Breaking the Code”