Tag: fake ads

Natural Selection

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by the fine people at Natural Selection, a solutions-oriented company.]

Summer vacation season is under way and soon the mountain country will be filled with city folk looking for an opportunity to connect with nature.

In the old days, things sorted themselves out. The city-dwellers would come out in their Bermuda shorts with backpacks full of Zagnuts wanting to pet the bears. It generally made for a short season and happy bears.

Then the park service started in with their “don’t feed the bears” campaign. Now we have four months of karaoke music and tofu weenies.

Real outdoorsmen know that tourist season is time for Natural Selection. Make sure your local souvenir shop is well-stocked with our “Bear Repellant.” Three new scents are available: Bacon, Salmon, and Chocolate.

Natural Selection: short season, happy bears, peace and quiet.

Love is in the air

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by the Intergalactic Outreach and Probing Council.]

May is UFO Mating Month. It’s that special time of the year when the skies fill with the cosmic radiation of love.

Remember though, just because you might catch us with our “shields” down doesn’t mean it’s okay to shoot at us.

If you don’t want to watch, don’t look up. Party on!

Dammitol

[Indies Unlimited is made possible in part by support from the people at Leary Funkeceuticals, makers of Dammitol.]

Is your day filled with stress? Are your nights sleepless, your love life fifty shades of bland?

Life hasn’t turned out much like you imagined, has it? Not to worry. Our certified groove-ologists here at Leary Funkeceuticals have the answer for you.

See, that stress is gonna be there no matter what, but you don’t have to care about it, and with Dammitol, you won’t!

Colors will smell brighter, people will taste more interesting, and food will talk better. Dammitol contains a groundbreaking mellowing agent that helps you put it all in perspective. Sure, at the next staff meeting, when your boss asks if anyone has any questions, you might raise your hand and ask who invented the cheese grater. So what? Has all that paying attention and playing it straight gotten you where you wanna be?

Best of all, there are no scary side-effects to worry about. As freelance pharmaceutical engineers, we don’t run our stuff past the FDA. Man, those suits were always harshing our buzz.

Interested in trying Dammitol? Our representatives can be found on a street corner near you. Just, you know, be cool.

Leary Funkeceuticals, home of the happiest lab rats in the world. Peace.

Pow Chemical Salutes Earth Day

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by Pow Chemical, a wholly-owned subsidiary of the munitions division of UNIBANK Financial Services International.]

Earth Day is finally over again, and the last of the hippies have pried themselves from the tree trunks. At last, life can go on. And that’s thanks to chemicals. At Pow Chemicals, that’s what we make, and do you know where we find the ingredients we use to manufacture all the stuff we make? Right here on good old Mother Earth.

That’s right, greenies, that means our chemicals are all natural! So, in celebration of Earth Day, we’re proud to introduce our new “Mother Nature Approved” labeling for all our products from poison to napalm. They’re all made from completely natural chemicals.

By the way, we experienced a minor unscheduled product release. Some of those chemicals may have left residue on that tree you were hugging. If so, I guess we won’t see you around next Earth Day. Still, you might wanna wash that area off with some of our trusty and effective Pow.cleanser. It’s Mother Nature Approved!