Tag: humor

Golden Skunk Awards

This Book StinksEverybody knows that books with little gold stickers on the cover are favored by book consumers. That’s why they are there, and why awards cost so much.

But, even with the abundance of cheesy little awards nobody ever heard of, it can still be difficult to win.

Breakthrough research we are just about to conduct will show that even though book consumers prefer books with little gold seals on the cover, 90% of those consumers don’t even bother to read the writing on the seal to know what it says. Of the 10% who do read the sticker, 0.0003% know the significance of it. All they know is if it’s got a gold seal on the cover, it has to be good!

Or does it?

Just because a book isn’t good doesn’t mean it can’t be a bestseller. Just look at the bestseller list, for crying out loud. Oh, the humanity! What do those books have that yours don’t? A little gold sticker.

Now your book can have that same cachet and become an overnight success, skyrocketing your sales*. The Golden Skunk Award is not given on the basis of merit, we award them to whoever pays. Sure, you can gamble away hundreds of dollars on a chance at winning a little gold sticker for your book, or you can pay us $100 and get one for sure!

But, don’t take our word for it. Here is a look at the Golden Skunk in action:

Upgrade before and afterBe honest. Which book would you buy? Of course, you’d buy the one with the little gold seal on the cover. That’s what everyone does!

Order yours today!

*Your results may vary.

Featured Book: Special Offers

Special OffersSpecial Offers
by M.L. Ryan
Genres: Paranormal romance, romantic comedy
Available from Amazon.

What would you do if you were possessed by a magically endowed being from another dimension who was trapped in your newly purchased Kindle eBook reader? Special Offers, the first book of the Coursodon Dimension Series, combines paranormal romance, urban fantasy, science fiction and a healthy dose of quirky humor

 Excerpt:

“Luckily for Sebastian, someone must have been testing the wireless capabilities of one just as he became disembodied, and he was intercepted by this,” he declared as he dramatically picked up my Kindle. He looked at the eBook reader with both wonder and admiration and whispered, “He did it. That crazy bastard actually did it.”

I shouldn’t have interrupted his obvious veneration, but I couldn’t contain myself. I vaguely recalled that data is transferred over the internet using the ones and zeros of binary code, but turning oneself into computer speak seemed unimaginable.

“So how is that even possible?” I queried.

He stared at me for a long time. Eventually, he shook his head slowly, a look of total incredulity sweeping over his handsome face.

“Let me get this straight. You’ve accepted that you are essentially possessed by a supernatural being who trapped himself in your Kindle to avoid destruction by a sociopathic outlaw, but you are questioning if the process is technically feasible?”

What others are saying:

All in all, Special Offers is a fantastically fun, extremely entertaining read that will have you laughing out loud and eager for the next in the series. – Reading by the Beach

Used Pixel Warehouse

warehouseDid you ever wonder what editors do with all the pixels from the text they delete from manuscripts?

In the bad old days, they were just deleted. In today’s economy, we can no longer afford such wastefulness.

Thanks to breakthrough technology, these unwanted pixels can now be harvested and re-purposed for use by other authors. At Used Pixel Warehouse, we make these pixels available for bulk purchase at discount prices. Why pay full price for the pixels you use?

Just wire us the purchase price of a box of pixels, and we’ll upload them to your computer. You won’t even know the difference. We guarantee it!

Isn’t it about time you did your part to save the planet? Call Used Pixel Warehouse today!

Newsbites: Men Don’t Read

NewsBitesGreetings from the IU news desk in the prestigious but entirely fictional BlackBox Tower Complex. It’s our job to track down the news, grab it by the ankles, and hold it upside down until the truth drops out of its pockets.

It’s a dangerous job that takes our staff to far-flung corners of the internet. Our crack team of reporters wade through a digital jungle of pop-up ads and 404 errors to get to the bottom of whatever it is that got their undies in a bunch in the first place.

Remember, NewsBites is the official news snack of the junior auxiliary astronaut team, whose proud motto is: We may not have been in space, but we are willing to go. Continue reading “Newsbites: Men Don’t Read”