Author: Stephen Hise

Stephen Hise is the Evil Mastermind and founder of Indies Unlimited. Hise is an independent author and an avid supporter of the indie author movement. Learn more about Stephen at his website or his Amazon author page.

Introducing ReviewBot!

[Indies Unlimited is proud to be sponsored in part by ReviewBot, an innovative technology from EvilCo.]

Have you toiled for months to produce a fascinating eBook? Did you do all the right things to promote it, giving away thousands of copies, only to find no one is posting reviews? Those days are over!

ReviewBot is an innovative technological advance aimed at making sure the people who download your book follow through with reviews.

The program works by simply installing a few thousand lines of code at the end of your regular MOBI file. Once your book is downloaded, ReviewBot will provide up to two weeks for the customer to finish the book and post a review. If they don’t, ReviewBot will log on to their Amazon account by reverse-engineering the process they used to download your book, and will post a review on their behalf!

ReviewBot uses a sophisticated review language randomizer so that each review is uniquely worded. The analyzer will assign a star-rating that is equal to the modal value of the reviews already on your book, or automatically assign five stars if your book has less than ten reviews.

Just imagine the impact on your book’s position in the Amazon algorithms. With ReviewBot, your book will have stars enough to outshine titles by the big publishers, getting you the attention you deserve!

Why toil in obscurity any longer? Order yours today!

DISCLAIMER: The FCCCP has not approved ReviewBot for areas with heavy military or civilian air traffic or near areas in which flammable materials are stored. Aim ReviewBot away from face. Do not use heavy solvents to clean ReviewBot. If a rash develops or persists, contact your dermatologist. That doesn’t have anything to do with ReviewBot – it’s just good advice.

Chris James: I admit J.K. Rowling wrote my books

Following fast on the heels of the news that J.K. Rowling wrote The Cuckoo’s Calling under the pseudonym of Robert Galbraith, author Chris James today admitted it was actually J.K. Rowling who wrote all his books. In a stunning announcement that has turned the publishing world on its feet then back on its head, James said:

“Yes, I’m afraid so. For the last three years I’ve been lying to all of you, and I’m deeply sorry, ashamed, and distraught. But now it’s time to reveal the truth. I bumped into Joanne in a café a few years back, and she asked me to self-publish these ground-breaking science fiction novels on her behalf, because she wanted to know how they would fare if everyone thought they’d been written by an unknown author. Well, she certainly got her answer!

 

“However, I can’t go on any longer with this shameful pretence. I cannot look my children in the eye again and tell them that their daddy wrote the books dedicated to them. I must end this empty charade! In my abject misery into which this revelation has thrown me, I only hope that you, my dear readers, will find a small place in your hearts to forgive me for this hopelessly cynical betrayal. I promise I won’t do it again.”

 

James’ news release also came with this boilerplate disclaimer:

None of this is true. Ms Rowling is of course entitled to leave as extensive a literary legacy as she wishes. However, it is not necessary for her to publish under a pseudonym to find out how crappy things are for unknown authors, and then reveal herself to drive the previously ignored novel to the top of the bestseller lists. There are a great many talented authors trying to tell original stories who work very bloody extremely hard at trying to get readers, and in such environment Ms Rowling publishing under a pseudonym is as necessary as this blog post.

I don’t read disclaimers.

THIS JUST IN: STEPHEN KING ADMITS HE IS J.K. ROWLING

In another stunning admission that turned the publishing world slightly to the left and then over at a forty-five degree angle, sources close to King came forward with a statement:

“It started when Stephen lost a bet to Clive Cussler. The woman whom the public knows as J.K. Rowling is an actress King hired to perpetuate the illusion.”

 

Well. All-in-all, a pretty standard week. You may now resume your normal activities.

The Price-Fixing Debacle

In the very short version of this story, Apple got together with big publishing and invented something called the agency pricing model.

This was their warm, fuzzy way of saying the publishers would set the retail prices.

Under the traditional pricing model, publishers charged booksellers something like half the cover price of a book, and allowed the booksellers to discount the books to whatever price they wanted. But Amazon took that even further and discounted the books to below wholesale price. Yes, Amazon was losing money on every eBook they sold.

Because the big publishers do not want eBooks eating into print book revenues, they do not want deep discounts on digital editions. The agency pricing model effectively eliminated any discounts on the cover price.

Despite the fact that Apple was the one nailed by the court, what really underlies this whole shameful episode is panic in the publishing industry. You see, Amazon continued to pay the full wholesale price for the books they bought from Random Penguin Solutions, et al. Every single one of the publishers would have made a higher per unit profit on books sold by Amazon than those sold under the agency pricing model. Obviously it isn’t just about the money. It is about survival. Continue reading “The Price-Fixing Debacle”

Introducing EmotiCovers

That’s right, everyone loves emoticons. In this text-speaking light speed, digitized world, those little smileys can communicate ideas we don’t have the time or patience to type out ourselves.

But why not use this revolutionary social phenomenon when designing your book cover? The emoticon has the advantage of high recognition and creates an instant comfort in the mind of your prospective buyers.

EmotiCovers taps into the hidden power of the emoticon by replacing drab, conventional cover art with bright, eye-catching emoticons. Whatever the genre or subject of your book, there’s an emoticon waiting for it!

Call today. Our operators are standing by!