Independence Day is meant to be a joyous celebration of when the founding fathers of the United States finally wrested control away from the British—or, possibly the day the British decided they’d delivered enough mental cases and social misfits to the new world, and headed home.
Either way, it involves food and fun and fireworks and freedom. And short, fat, bald old guys – I mean, look at the general bulbous shape of Benjamin Franklin. You can’t deny it, short, fat, bald old guys are ingrained in our heritage – and the birth of our nation. Therefore, Indies Unlimited is proud to run this announcement for the American Academy of Short Fat Bald Old Guys (AASFBOG).
While some people are twirling sparklers, starting brush fires, and gulping down hot dogs, many short, fat, bald old guys will be stuck at home, watching reruns of Matlock, too filled with malaise to join in the revelry.
Your donation of just a few dollars can mean the difference between whether these poor people have a simple bag of chips and a six-pack or two of low-end brew or whether they must watch television for hours on end with no snacks at all. No snacks at all? Oh, the humanity!
You don’t want that on your conscience, do you? You are encouraged to give generously to my – I mean to the AASFBOG to end this needless suffering.
Indies Unlimited wishes you and yours a safe and happy Fourth of July!
DISCLAIMER: Indies Unlimited does not endorse or support any charitable cause or organization, no matter how noble or tear-jerking the AASFBOG may be. The appearance of text, images, or links related to any such subjects is for informational or advertising purposes only and does not indicate endorsement or approval by Indies Unlimited.
