Tag: snark

How to Write a Blog Post

[This is a satiric look at writing a blog article. Though the principles are generally true, if you’d like a more serious look at the subject, please see my tutorial How to Write a Blog Article.]

Lately, the minion brain trust has been grumbling and whining about coming up with topics for blog posts. I don’t really get that, as I am a never-ending fount of ideas. But that gave me an idea. Maybe a lot of people have trouble writing blog posts. As usual, I am here to help with a handy guide on the subject.*

First, get an idea. It can be anything, really. For example, maybe you want to write an article on how to write blog posts. Introduce the concept by stating the issue: Coming up with blog posts can be a challenge. Continue reading “How to Write a Blog Post”

Harper’s Radio Knob Polish

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by Harper’s Radio Knob Polish]

“Bob was asking about joining the car pool again.”

“Ugh! Have you seen his radio knobs? How can he not know about Harper’s?”

Does that conversation seem familiar to you? It should. People don’t like to look at a radio with dull, lackluster knobs.

Have bad things been happening to you lately? Maybe you were passed over for that promotion or a neighbor snubbed you. It just may be your radio knobs. Our own independent studies show that 37% of all social maladies, from littering to parking violations, can probably be traced back to neglected radio knobs.

Fortunately, there’s Harper’s Radio Knob Polish. It can restore the gleam back to even the dullest knobs. Best of all, it leaves an invigorating chemical smell. Harper’s is now available in quart or gallon sizes. Pick some up today!

Formula for a Bestselling Young Adult Paranormal Romance

Of course, yes, I know you’ve been waiting for this. Who hasn’t been? I’ve already shared with you the formula for writing a blockbuster action/adventure bestseller, a knock-em dead romance bestseller, and a spine- and pants-tingling romantic thriller. I know you’re a tad disgruntled because those weren’t your genres of choice. But no worries, here it is – the long-awaited formula for that explosive young adult paranormal romance!

I’m a step ahead of you with my credentials for this one. I bet you didn’t know I’ve secretly been writing a vampire book for years. Yeah, that’s right, I started it back in 1998 I think. So I know a few things about vampires. And I’ve seen every bloody commercial for the sparkly vampire series, whatever that’s called. The clincher, however, is that I’ve been to the Olympic Peninsula of Washington State where they filmed those movies. That’s right. So listen up.

Follow my advice below, and you’ll be instructing your limo driver to plow down those paparazzis, my friend!

Formula for a best-selling young adult paranormal romance: Continue reading “Formula for a Bestselling Young Adult Paranormal Romance”

The Title Will Tell

Long before the prevalence of internet keywords to help people narrow down a search, the concept applied to book titles. To be more accurate, it applied to books in popular fiction. Literary fiction has its own thing going. You pretty much know if you see a book with a title like As Grow the Wild Tulips, or A Garden in Antioch, you’re probably looking at literary fiction.

With popular fiction, the keywords become genre-specific. You can be pretty sure if you see words like heart, song, secret, or forever that the book is a romance novel. As with all rules, there are exceptions. Other keywords also play a role, so Cannibal Heart might not necessarily be a romance. Neither is this short list all-inclusive. I’m sure there are romance titles that don’t include any of the keywords I mentioned, but those words are strongly representative and indicative of the romance genre. Continue reading “The Title Will Tell”