Tag: snark

SplatCo Presents…

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by the fine folks at SplatCo Pet Solutions]
Winter can be a real bummer for the golf enthusiast, but Rover never takes a day off.

Thanks to the folks at SplatCo, now you can keep your swing in good form and have some fun maintaining a clean yard. The SplatCo Pooper Putter is a neat new way to work on your chip shots and rid your lawn of pet waste.

Available in 9 iron, pitching wedge and sand wedge, the SplatCo Pooper Putter is fitted with a snap-on plastic splatter shield in case the weather isn’t quite as cold as you thought.

Remember, if you’re worried about what your neighbors might think, they’ve probably already ordered one. Shouldn’t you?

Razorcane!

[Indies Unlimited is made possible in part by the people at Savage Senior Inc., makers of personal protective devices for senior citizens]

Is your neighborhood filling up with hooligans and whippersnappers, menacing the walkways with their boom boxes and skateboard machines?

Are you missing important parts of Matlock because of their antics, shenanigans, and tom-foolery?

Does it seem like some punk is always on your lawn?

With Savage Senior’s Razorcane, your worries are over! Give those scoundrels a whack with this bad boy, and they’ll find out how important health care insurance really is.

Our space-age nano-tube blades are stronger than steel and keep a better edge, so you’ll slice right through their dungarees. Best of all, with Medicare and your insurance, you may not have to pay a dime out-of-pocket.

Order yours today!

A Word From Our Sponsor

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by Vibra-Buzz Ear Canal Massagers]

Your ear canals work just as hard as the rest of your body, but when was the last time you thought of your ear canals when you got a so-called “total body massage?”

Probably never. That’s why Vibra-Buzz invented the Ear Canal Massager! It’s powered by a tiny battery and provides a relaxing sonic pulse to your ear canals, bringing soothing relief from all the stress of listening to a bunch of crap all day long.

Vibra-Buzz is the same ear canal massager used by the astronauts!* Our space-age technology assures your safety and satisfaction. For a limited time, you can try the Vibra-Buzz Ear Canal Massager for as little as $29.95**. Act today, while supplies last!

*May not actually be used by astronauts.
**Price does not include shipping and handling. Batteries sold separately.

DISCLAIMER: Some users have reported mild side effects including hearing loss, seizures, unconsciousness, and death. If these symptoms should appear or persist, please discontinue use of the device and see an undertaker immediately.

Formula for a Romance Bestseller

The Kiss of Night
All romantic blockbusters should have smoking hot women and half naked men.

[This is a satirical article. If you want instruction on how to write a romance novel from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about, try this article. – The Administrators.]

In my last installment, I shared with you the formula for writing a blockbuster action/adventure bestseller. I really can’t believe you missed it, but in case you did, you can read it here. In this installment, I’m going to give you the top secret formula for writing the romance novel that people just can’t resist. That includes the people in Hollywood. They’re going to be banging down your door to get their hands on this one, so watch out. I hope you’re prepared for all that fame and fortune, because it’s coming!

What makes me think I can tell you how to do this? Well, sure, I haven’t actually written a romance novel, but there is romance in my novels. Also, they filmed Failure to Launch and The Wedding Crashers right near where I lived. Not good enough? I’ve won awards, for crying out loud. Whether they have anything to do with writing doesn’t matter, really. They’re awards. Be impressed and shut up.

Now let’s get to it. Follow my advice below, and you’ll be Hollywood-bound, my friend!

Continue reading “Formula for a Romance Bestseller”