Now that the feds have been adequately mollified that there is absolutely no funny business or collusion of any kind going on in the traditional publishing world, we are pleased to announce the formation of a new imprint to cater to the needs of the indie writing community.
Author Final Solutions represents a new frontier in the publishing industry. There is no longer any need to suffer the confusion and frustration of rejection by big-name publishing houses. If you have the money to show that you’re dedicated and talented enough, we’ll sign you.
A lot of people toss around the phrase “vanity press.” Author Final Solutions is a new hybrid organization that combines the functionality of a vanity press with new names for things. Sure, whatever you want to get done will cost you money—we call that author funded—but that helps us reduce our overhead, allowing us to pass the savings along to you.
We’ll run off enough of your books to fill your garage. You can take those books and try to sell them to friends and family or even bookstores! You do believe in your book, don’t you? Why, they’ll practically sell themselves. You’ll make that $50,000 initial investment back in no time at all.
By signing with Author Final Solutions, you’ll have the prestige of an imprint operated by a company that is a subsidiary to a division of a corporation that owns a controlling share in a big-time publisher. That’s practically the same thing!
And because we also believe in you, you’ll have the security of an iron-clad contract with us. You won’t ever have to worry about taking your book elsewhere. Ever.
So line up indies, and don’t forget those credit cards. We’re ready to deal with you once and for all.
Author Final Solutions is a subsidiary of Hoax House Publishing, an Imprint of Penguin Pretense Intellectual Properties, a division of Random Wreckage Litigation and Scamwell International.
