Tag: humor

IU is brought to you in part by…

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Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by Fish Byproducts Incorporated, makers of fine cosmetics and household products.

Our research shows that indie authors are more likely than normal well-adjusted people to own cats. It’s also likely that if you’ve retained any part of a personal hygiene regimen, it probably includes the occasional use of mouthwash.

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NaNoWriMo Triple Double-Dog-Dare Challenge

Mr. Pish Typing
I’d better find someone to help me type. I’m going to have very tired fingers.

Well, my observance of National NO Writing Month ended one day into November. I was planning a steadfast boycott of writing this month, per my post here. My plan, however, was foiled by the one thing I can’t say no to: a double-dog-dare.

Yes, that’s right. I was double-dog-dared to write not one, not two, but three books during the month of November. Because, really, everyone else is writing ONE book. Who cares? Let’s make this a real challenge and up that ante. Three books – written, edited, formatted, and published. You think I can do it? Continue reading “NaNoWriMo Triple Double-Dog-Dare Challenge”

Somulax: Double Duty

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Indies Unlimited is proudly brought to you in part by Pharmatopia Laboratories. Remember, “pharmaceutical” is just another word for “love.”

Pharmatopia Laboratories (formerly CANEX Chemical Weapons), is pleased to announce the FDA has finally approved our new product, Somulax.

In these stressful and trying times, the two most common health complaints are insomnia and constipation. Somulax is the first combination drug formulated to address both problems. By combining a powerful tranquilizing agent with a harsh and fast-acting laxative, Somulax provides safe and effective* rest and bowel evacuation.

Let’s face it, with the job market the way it is today, you don’t need the boss timing your bathroom breaks, and you need good rest to get your job done right. Ask your doctor if Somulax is right for you!

WARNING: We recommend our Oopsie overnight pad be used when taking Somulax. Some users have reported side-effects including sleep-talking, sleep-walking, sleep-dancing, sleep-driving, sleep-fishing, and sleep-murder. If these symptoms appear or persist, contact your physician—we make drugs for that too!

*The government has now defined the criteria for “safe and effective” to be met when two out of three clinical trials result in a death rate lower than 50% in the study population.

Introducing BookScather

Indie authors sweat bullets over getting reviews and worrying about bad reviews. It turns out we’ve been going about this all wrong.

Studies show that bad reviews on books by unknown authors actually result in a spike in sales. Who can argue with studies?

Add to this the number of indie author elites bemoaning the state of indie writing. Now look at Amazon and its scorched-earth policy on obliterating suspect favorable reviews while ignoring suspect bad reviews. Amazon is in the process of eliminating ALL author to author reviews.

It’s going to be all right, folks. Even in these trying times, one man has the vision and courage to come to the rescue of the indie community—and that man is me. Continue reading “Introducing BookScather”