Tag: satire

Book Description Epic Fail

One of the neat things about Indies Unlimited is that we get to become acquainted with the books of a whole lot of authors.

Not all those books make it onto the site. Sometimes this is because the subject matter is outside our wheelhouse. Other times, it is related to problems with the book. K.S. Brooks wrote a piece that covers a lot of the mistakes we see.

I don’t want to rehash her entire article, but I do want to focus on book descriptions. When I vet books, this is about as far as I ever have to go. Occasionally, I will read the preview of a book only because I can’t believe the book itself could possibly be as bad as the description. In many instances, the book is WAY better than the book description.

That’s too bad, because you really can’t expect a prospective buyer to take that extra step. Writing book descriptions is hard for authors. Kat wrote an article on how to write a book description. That article is chock full of good advice. Read it. Learn it. Live it.

I tend to organize information into categories. Here are a few of the error categories I have found in looking at book descriptions: Continue reading “Book Description Epic Fail”

The Automated Reciprocator

How many times a day do people ask you for advice on how to write or publish or market a book? It can get frustrating and become a time-suck. Can you imagine if you were a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, or a mechanic? You’d never be giving your time away for free, would you?

Well, here at the Indies Unlimited Laboratories, we’ve come up with the perfect invention for you: the amazing Automated Reciprocator!

This machine is so brilliant, so intuitive, and so easy to use, you’ll wish we invented it years ago – but only after you got published, right?

The directions for use are simple. Before you put it into service, however, you need to make a list of the things you need, or the things you’re willing to barter for. The Automated Reciprocator can’t help you get your due until you perform this initial step. Not sure what you need/want? Here’s a list of most commonly requested items: Continue reading “The Automated Reciprocator”

Dammitol

[Indies Unlimited is made possible in part by support from the people at Leary Funkeceuticals, makers of Dammitol.]

Is your day filled with stress? Are your nights sleepless, your love life fifty shades of bland?

Life hasn’t turned out much like you imagined, has it? Not to worry. Our certified groove-ologists here at Leary Funkeceuticals have the answer for you.

See, that stress is gonna be there no matter what, but you don’t have to care about it, and with Dammitol, you won’t!

Colors will smell brighter, people will taste more interesting, and food will talk better. Dammitol contains a groundbreaking mellowing agent that helps you put it all in perspective. Sure, at the next staff meeting, when your boss asks if anyone has any questions, you might raise your hand and ask who invented the cheese grater. So what? Has all that paying attention and playing it straight gotten you where you wanna be?

Best of all, there are no scary side-effects to worry about. As freelance pharmaceutical engineers, we don’t run our stuff past the FDA. Man, those suits were always harshing our buzz.

Interested in trying Dammitol? Our representatives can be found on a street corner near you. Just, you know, be cool.

Leary Funkeceuticals, home of the happiest lab rats in the world. Peace.

Pow Chemical Salutes Earth Day

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by Pow Chemical, a wholly-owned subsidiary of the munitions division of UNIBANK Financial Services International.]

Earth Day is finally over again, and the last of the hippies have pried themselves from the tree trunks. At last, life can go on. And that’s thanks to chemicals. At Pow Chemicals, that’s what we make, and do you know where we find the ingredients we use to manufacture all the stuff we make? Right here on good old Mother Earth.

That’s right, greenies, that means our chemicals are all natural! So, in celebration of Earth Day, we’re proud to introduce our new “Mother Nature Approved” labeling for all our products from poison to napalm. They’re all made from completely natural chemicals.

By the way, we experienced a minor unscheduled product release. Some of those chemicals may have left residue on that tree you were hugging. If so, I guess we won’t see you around next Earth Day. Still, you might wanna wash that area off with some of our trusty and effective Pow.cleanser. It’s Mother Nature Approved!