When I was in high school, lunch was where you found out where you fit in. I fit in with the quiet, punk rocker kids who smoked cigarettes instead of eating. Open campus, FTW! I couldn’t wait to get off campus. And not just for the nicotine. I hated high school. And I hated the scene in the cafeteria. Cliques and pods of douchebags and douchebaguettes. So, it is much to my chagrin that I am forced to come to terms with the fact that twitter has become my high school cafeteria.
Don’t get me wrong. There are still some things I like about twitter. And maybe it’s just me, but I seem to have fallen in with a crowd of morons. I am not referring to my fellow writers and friends of course. I like you guys. I think the problem is that I just randomly follow anyone who wants to follow me. But lately, I get the distinct impression that some of them are going to ask me to buy them beer.
There are also five or so guys on twitter that all tweet the same thing. Verbatim. I am not sure who they are plagiarizing…many degrees of separation. Probably Benjamin Franklin. Although, I don’t know how much he knew about ‘getting crunk’.
I don’t smoke anymore. I quit over ten years ago. But when I visit twitter lately, I get an intense desire to climb into my old friend Luke’s Mercury Cougar and go sit by the ocean and smoke enough cigarettes to ensure that I will be slightly sick to my stomach for the rest of the day.
There are people on twitter who crack me up. There are people who lead me towards genuinely valuable information. They are the minority. I don’t know who I followed that got me into this mess, but I want out. I don’t want to get blunted. I don’t want to follow some weird ass entity that will guarantee me 300 more followers. I approached twitter with open arms, and I spammed myself.
Twitter is a valuable tool for writers. I guess. When it doesn’t seem like a giant exercise in narcissism. Which it often does. And the tater tots aren’t even that good.
Indie writers need all the help they can get and that means we need twitter, but don’t be like me. Be selective. Don’t just randomly click follow. Hell, half the people I follow might not even be real people. I don’t know. I just figure if they follow me, I should follow them back. Even if they are selling discount knock-off sunglasses.
The one thing my high school cafeteria did really well was chocolate chip cookies. They made them fresh and hot every morning (we had a morning break). That’s all I want. A warm cookie. A shared chuckle. A furtive glance. Somehow, I got trapped in detention, but I’m going to dig my way out. Count on it. I’m done with the twits. I want twitter to be like it should be. I want substance, and I want it now. And then I want to go make out behind the bleachers. (@jd_mader) <– call me!
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JD Mader is a Contributing Author for Indies Unlimited and author of the novel, JOE CAFÉ. For more information, please see the IU Bio page and his blog: www.jdmader.com.
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You couldn't be more RIGHT on this. Twitter…eh. But chocolate chip cookies…YUM!
Thanks for the post! You're a hoot! 🙂
Thanks Markee! Much obliged.
Oh Mader, you crack me up. 🙂
I try Mizzz Brooks.
JD, I know how you feel sir. When I first joined twitter it seemed much like the high school cliques you described. #teamthis and #teamthat all promising to follow you back. I'm still trying to get over that mess.
With the help of a few different websites and software, I managed to unfollow everyone that was not following me back. Then, I went through the remainder (individually) and dropped everyone that did not interest me.
Right now I'm using software that let's me choose who to follow based on a number of things, such as whether they are a writer, author, editor, blogger, reviewer, etc. It actually works quite well, and I've found that I spend a lot less time on the playground. Instead, I get to hang with the cool kids like you while the others or at school. 😉
..while the others *are* at school.
Obviously I need to follow more editors. 😉
LOL thanks Rush! The worst part of high school…I mean twitter…is that I hate to cut anyone lose because I have so few followers! Who will sign my yearbook!?!?!
ROFL – It's not the quantity of signatures that you have, it's the quality. I'll sign it twice if you like. 😉
Please!
That's great!!! That first paragraph could have been written about me, by me. Love it!!
Thanks man, appreciate you stopping by!
Very interesting analogy JD! I agree with the theory that because we continue to act in the same way, we draw the same people to us over and over. Highschool, workplace, volunteer groups and yep the Twitter!
When I joined on I mulled about why I was here and to which communities (I use that word a lot)I wanted to connect. I also decided what for me would be non-negotiables in terms of continuing to follow.
I am in complete agreement with Mr. KD Rush,as per usual, it's quality for me, not quantity! If I get a generated follow by someone who has 15000 followers, what will that give me in terms of engagement or exchange of ideas? Not much.
I'm glad you are addressing this now before your Twitter connections go through the stratosphere, because believe me JD, with the quality of your writing and your thinky thoughts, that will be happening very very soon. Put those parameters in place now!
And, p.s. PLEASE DON'T SMOKE!!! ;))
Thanks Jo-Anne…I hope your prediction is correct…seriously, I just bought a ferrari on credit. 😉
You know, I swore when I smoked that I would never be a prissy ex-smoker, but I hate it now. The smell. The sullen looks. Smokers don't realize how much they stink. I have become my own school-marm. 😉
Thanks for stopping by!
gosh, does that mean I'm a school marm?!
Actually, if people smoke around me, I don't really say anything if I like them (lol) but my lungs are not the best, I get bronchitis quite easily and all of that is most likely the amount of second hand smoke I breathed in from my mom's smoking. She died 20 years ago from lung cancer and I still miss her.
I'm sorry for your loss. I found the game changed BIG time when I had a kid. I don't like smoke anywhere around her. My grandparents all smoked and suffered for it.
Well, JD, I never got to sit at the table with all the cool kids in the cafeteria … but at least I understood what was going on … not so with Twitter. I keep hearing what an important tool it is for indie authors, but I really don't know how it's suppose to work. As with Fazebook, I write a note and nothing … crickets … but there always hundreds of notes from others and I've got no idea who is talking to who or about what.