I’ve mentioned before that I’ve never held a book signing. It is not the sort of thing I’d likely do anyway. First off, I have the penmanship of a toy poodle with a seizure disorder. My handwriting could easily be mistaken for some script in a dead and ancient language, shorthand taken by someone who was drowsing off at the moment, or that of a physician.
More importantly, I think it would be difficult to think of what to inscribe. Just putting your name seems kind of pointless. Otherwise, you could just sit there with a signature stamp. I am told that an interesting and personalized inscription can add value to the book. Most people are going to want something in there they can show off.
Let’s face it though—you may not know the people who want you to inscribe their copy of your book. What can you possibly jot down that would be relevant or even mildly interesting? If you have multiple people lined up for inscriptions, you wouldn’t want to just write the same thing in everybody’s book, would you?
I believe this is an area where authors could use a little help. I’m the kind of person who sees a need and tries to fill it. I am pleased to announce that my new invention, the Random Inscription Generator (RIG) is now in early testing. Why waste your own brain-power trying to think up something interesting to write in a book when technology can do it for you? Just enter the person’s name and sex in the device, and the RIG will generate an inscription for you to put in the book in your own, unique scrawl.
Here are a few examples just to whet your appetite:
“Juanita, when you bent over the table to get your book signed, I could see down your blouse a little bit. I recommend you have a physician look at that mole. Enjoy the book! Bob Summers.”
“Jim, thanks for coming out today. For future reference, I believe they sell breath mints at several locations here in the mall. I hope you enjoy the book! Bob Summers.”
“Debbie,it was good to see you having such a nice time with your pool boy. My best to your husband. Bob Summers.”
“Joey, Just thought you might want to know your fly is unzipped. Enjoy the book. Bob Summers.”
The RIG will generate thousands of inscriptions for you to use, adding a unique flair to your books and livening up your book signings. Of course, the RIG is still in early development and I’m still concentrating most of my energy on developing my laser death-ray. Nevertheless, you can take heart in knowing that help is on the way.
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