Hormones. You can’t live with too many, and you can’t live without enough. Yes, my friend, without the proper hormone balance you will curl up like the feet of the Wicked Witch of the West when Dorothy removed the Ruby Slippers. Hormones are fascinating little buggers, and incredibly useful to the premenstrual writer. Sit back and enjoy the scene below as written by a woman in the grips of estrogen dominance.
One evening I sat at the kitchen table and watched my husband walk around the pool surveying his kingdom. Suddenly, I detested him and was determined to arrest his ability to suck in oxygen that should have rightly been mine. I imagined myself as a White Ninja, creeping stealthily up behind him, unsheathing the gleaming weapon I had sharpened only that morning. He turned, eyes widening as the swoosh of my sword smoothly sliced across his neck, decapitating him. It was a clean and perfect cut. His head bounced twice landing in the pool, the crimson clouds spreading smoothly like crimson cumulus clouds.
That was so much fun. My mind drifted back to reality as I sipped my chilled chardonnay and contemplated my homicidal attack. I realized my only regret in this mentally satisfying vision was my inability to reach out quickly and grab the fine crystal glass he was drinking from before it crashed to the stone pavers and shattered into a million pieces. This alone was a pitiful waste of beauty.
There are authors who have made a name for themselves writing about female hormones and the cycle of insanity they can cause. Laugh all you want, but be sure to respect your hormones, and their power over your life. Especially your wife’s hormones. Smart men do.
While researching hormones I came across one I had never read about. Oxytocin otherwise known as the “love hormone” is a natural motivator for murder and mayhem. Lack of this hormone has been proven in scientific studies to cause extreme antisocial behavior, narcissism and manipulative tendencies. Those who have an abundance of oxytocin are cuddly like soft, white kittens and mate for life like mourning doves. I myself am feeling cuddly and sweet this morning, so my oxytocin must be pumping. This is a good time to finish that love scene I started yesterday. Kiss Kiss.
* * * * *
L. A. Lewandowski is a Contributing Author for Indies Unlimited and author of the novel, Born To Die – The Montauk Murders. For more information, please see the IU Bio Page and her blog:cultureandcuisineclub.com.[subscribe2]
And hugs back. 🙂 Even when post-menopausal these demons don't go away, by the way. 🙁
Demons! Why won't they leave us alone and regulate themselves!
Hells yeah. The factory's closed but the demons still patrol the catwalk.
I'll deal with them, too.
Thank you Lois, that was enjoyable and I found myself laughing, but I'm going to keep my eyes on Pat to make sure she hasn't turned into a white haired Ninja!!
You are a wise man, Bud.
I'm happy I made you laugh.
I'd be willing to bet my stock of bio-identical estrogen that many an irksome male character met his maker in the maw of a woodchipper during the author's perimenopausal years. Bwah hah hah, be afraid.
I don't need the estrogen yet, just liberal doses of progesterone. Ah …
Love it. Oxytocin plays a big role in pregnancy, too. I know all about hormones. And I respect and fear them. Not to plug my own stuff, but it applies.
http://fatherhoodeve.blogspot.com/2011/11/that-pr…
Great post lady. Ms. Ms Lady. Your ladyship.
Karen seems like she is always cuddly and sweet.
The broad swings of my hormones are something I now use for inspiration, be it a love scene, or a murderous rampage.
She is. 99.9% of the time. Don't tell her we ever talked about this. Please.
Hmmm. I was just having a conversation with another writer (about the same age) regarding both of our tendencies to write violent scenes and what it may or may not indicate.
I now have my answer.
I call unfair. Someone screw my hormones up.
Just wait. Just wait.
Query: does this suggest that murder mystery writers make better lovers?
I can see a tee shirt appearing on the MWA merch page.
Perhaps, Pete. The important question is do we have more than circumstantial evidence?
I would certainly wear a soft and cuddly t-shirt that said that.
Oxytocin is the reason men fall asleep after sex. It's true. Now you can't be mad at us, it's hormonal. 😉
Good article. I actually appreciate the white-ninja-to-cute-kitten rollercoaster. It's not boring.
I have never been accused of being boring.
I'm not sure about the oxytocin excuse. I may have to do more research.
Ha ha. Research in this field is essential.
Great post. What hormone is it that makes us angry because I wrote 6 chapters of my serial killer because I was angry at someone and they were the first to die in my first chapter?
Hi Jacqueline,
I would lay the blame on an estrogen cocktail with a testosterone chaser. The estrogen makes you delusional but the testosterone gives you the strength for murder. Just my layman's opinion.
I love to hear that other writers use the fluctuations to their advantage. 🙂
Time takes care of everything, even hormonal imbalance. Three weeks out of every month I was a rational woman loved by all, but the fourth week I made your ninja look like a pussy cat. Some of my fiercer villains are modeled after me.
Eleanor Wood Mason
Did your villains decapitate people? Do tell!
I'd love to know how you used the power of hormones.