Feeling a Bit Wobbly?

Tell someone you’re writing a book and you can expect a few stock responses. On a good day, initial excitement tops the list. This is often followed by a remark that he or she could write a whiz-bang bestseller but doesn’t have the time (as if that’s all it takes). Or you might be told to move along because you’re blocking the drive-through window. What I hear frequently is some variation on, “Boy, rough business. You need a really thick skin to do that.”

It’s true. At times you need the hide of a rhino (or to hide behind a rhino) to survive the rejection, the negative reviews, and the cutting comments. We’ve had some great posts on IU about how vital that thick skin is to your career. We’ve had inspirational tough-love pep talks on how professionals need to let the crap bounce off them so they can keep writing. That’s terrific. But what if you’re new to the game and still have your wobbly fawn legs and those telltale white spots on your rump?

First, Bambi, don’t lose hope. Feeling squishy doesn’t mean you’ll never make it as a writer. Squishiness can be a good thing. That’s where the passion and creativity come from. Learning to protect your soft, nougat center takes time. It might take longer for some of you, especially if you’re sensitive. Here are some self-preservation tips to try until your hide thickens. Or on days when even your elephant skin has a few thin spots.

1. Accentuate the positive. Get a piece of paper. Write down at least five of your best qualities. Yes, you have them. Maybe you’re the only one in the house who can fix the computer or get the dog to behave. Maybe you’re a loyal friend or a great parent or you write great poetry or everyone you cook for wants your recipes. Keep this list in a prominent place and GO TO IT any time you’re feeling particularly vulnerable. REMIND YOURSELF that you have value.

2. Know when to walk away. If something or someone is getting to you, it’s okay to absent yourself from the situation until you feel stronger or more in control. You don’t even need to explain. Get off social media; don’t check your Amazon stats. In fact, just plain get away from the computer for a while. Go outside. Talk to a good friend. Do something that makes you feel good. Each time this happens, you’ll learn more about yourself, what you can handle, and what triggers you. Odds are that over time, you’ll learn to process negative stuff better.

3. Go to your happy place. Silence soothes me. So does exercise, nature, and being near bodies of water. If I can’t get away to that trail along the creek, I’ll grab my iPod and listen to ocean waves. Learn what helps you and have it handy.

4. Make an “Emotional Rescue Kit.” This is a great tool to pull from the back of the closet on those hard-core, soul-crushing days. First, get a tote bag that amuses you. It could have sparkly vampires on it, or zombies, or laughing cats that can’t spell. Whatever speaks to you. Then fill it with things you find inspirational, funny, or just make you feel good. Mine has a small photo album with pictures of the important people in my life, a purple journal with a purple pen, a couple of cheesy romantic comedies on DVDs, and a voodoo doll. Yes, a voodoo doll. Hey, it’s my kit, and if I makes me feel better to stick a few pins into the ersatz body of an Internet troll, that’s my prerogative.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Okay, this is the part of the post where I turn big, wet eyes into the camera and give you a toll-free phone number. But all I have is Hise’s private line and he won’t let me give that out anymore. I know we make a lot of jokes here, but seriously, if any part of the writing game severely triggers an existing or underlying mental health problem, there’s no shame in calling in the experts. Find a therapist or counselor you trust. And if you’re facing a mental health emergency, call 911 or get someone to take you to the closest hospital emergency room.

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Laurie Boris is a freelance writer, editor, proofreader, and former graphic designer. Her first novel, The Joke’s on Me, was published through small press 4RV Publishing, LLC in 2011. Her second, Drawing Breath, is now available. She lives in New York’s lovely Hudson Valley with her very patient husband, Paul Blumstein, a commercial illustrator. Learn more about Laurie at http://laurieboris.com and her Amazon author page.

Author: Laurie Boris

Laurie Boris is a freelance writer, editor, proofreader, and former graphic designer. She has been writing fiction for over twenty-five years and is the award-winning author of four novels. She lives in New York’s lovely Hudson Valley. Learn more about Laurie at her website and her Amazon author page.

25 thoughts on “Feeling a Bit Wobbly?”

  1. Good post Laurie. I especially like the "Don't be afraid to ask for help" bit. So often it is hard to do because we are not sure of the response. I always worry if I will be thought of as a nuisance.

  2. Some great advice here Laurie. I have a really hard time getting past bad reviews (especially those that don't offer constructive criticism) and my first one made me question my abilities so seriously that I considered not writing anymore. A few friends put things into perspective for me though and I am able to look at it without feeling like I am being attacked personally.

    Thanks for your post. 🙂

    1. Thank you for reading, Wendy! Yeah, some of those early blows can be devastating. Learning to separate YOU from YOUR WORK is another skill we need, and I'm glad you got help through it.

  3. I got my first rejection slip when I was 13. I have my own troll following since going on Dragon's Den. You have to let it all roll off like water off a duck's back and keep moving forward.

    Loved the line about moving along from the drivethrough window. 😉

  4. Fantastic article! It never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be when they can hide behind the anonymity of the internet. It can be very hard to remember all the good things when someone has attacked you. Thank you for writing this – I love the idea of a voodoo doll and will be making my own troll doll today!

    1. Even BAD reviews are good for your book as long as they spell your name and title right. I have actually bought books BECAUSE they were panned, knowing that the kind of garbage the reviewer reviled was quite often a favorite them (paranormal) of mine.

      1. I totally agree, Arline. I've had several "bad" reviews and each time its resulted in more sales.

        It doesn't make it any easier on a "personal" level, though. (Well, maybe a little easier…) I've seen many authors become consumed by one or two "negative" reviews and not pay any attention to the other thirty "great" reviews. That's where meltdowns occur (we've all seen that happen).

        The first thing I had to learn when I became a professional writer is that there are seven billion people on the planet – and you can't please every one of them!

      1. I think it's human nature and not really specific to writers. Although, those of us in "creative" fields tend to take things more personally – probably because we put so much into our work that it feels like a personal attack.

  5. Great advice! I actually had a person continually try to shoot down every single sentence that came out of my mouth that was in answer to her rapid-fire questions. Like she was grilling me. And this was a patron across the counter at my job while I was on the clock! She finally gave up because I just kept smiling and telling her that there was nothing she could say that would make me be unhappy or doubt myself. I've had a lot of positive response, a couple of rejection letters, some indifference, some resentment. I actually told my husband that when my first official rejection letter comes (because I knew it would) I'm taking pictures. It did and I did! I know, I know. I need to get out more. I'm glad this forum exists so I can connect with other people and their experiences and expertise!

  7. Lol, Laurie. I'm getting a voodoo doll.

    Exercise always helps me, and I've found that the sound of water works wonders. As long as it's not my head under the faucet, that is.

    Supportive posts rock!

  8. Voodoo doll, FTW! Great post. I'm kind of leaning towards the idea that no creative people have thick skin, we just tell each other we need it. 🙂

  10. How true! I am still new to writing, but I believe that my day job was a Godsend to help me face critique. Love your "Emotional Rescue Kit" idea. My bag would have to be a cooler to hold my Ben & Jerry's ice cream 🙂

  11. Great advice, Laurie! A variation on #1: I keep an e-mail folder at work labelled "nice stuff" where I store any e-mails of thanks or good job or the like. They're infrequent but they add up to a smile now and again.

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