Feel Free to Misquote Me

I have a few author friends who like to post great quotes by great authors. That’s all well and good, but even the greatest authors didn’t walk around crapping diamonds all day. Some of their quotes are—how shall I say this? Meh.

I just think that’s unfair to their legacies. Below the fold, I’ve taken some of the lesser-known quotes from some great authors and jazzed them up a bit by adding my own personal flair. I turned the awesome up to eleven, baby! I think I made it pretty seamless, though. See if you can pick out any difference.

“I believe implicitly that every young man in the world is fascinated with either sharks or dinosaurs. And women. Hot, dirty women.” Peter Benchley

“I converse with my dog through ESP. I have to, he won’t talk.” Taylor Caldwell

“I can walk into a bookstore and hand over my credit card and they don’t know who the hell I am. Maybe that says something about bookstore clerks. Also, I generally use credit cards I just found in the parking lot.” E. L. Doctorow

“A big man has no time really to do anything but just sit and be big. And beat the crap out of you. They have time for that.” F. Scott Fitzgerald

“The research is the easiest. The outline is the most fun. The first draft is the hardest, because every word of the outline has to be fleshed out. The rewrite is very satisfying. The royalty checks really rock, though. Yep, that’s my favorite part.” Ken Follett

“Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters. I’m going to keep on saying that—at least until I become prosperous.” Victor Hugo

“A science is something which is constructed from truth on workable axioms. There are 55 axioms in scientology which are very demonstrably true, and on these can be constructed a great deal. Still, I am working on a 56th axiom just in case the grant money runs out.” L. Ron Hubbard

“Civilization rests on the fact that most people do the right thing most of the time. That’s why civilization just doesn’t work.” Dean Koontz

“Aren’t most romance heroes, or heroes in fiction of any kind, generally superior to real men? Same goes for heroines and real women. I guess what I’m trying to say is that in real life, people suck.” Nora Roberts

“Once you begin being naughty, it is easier to go on and on, and sooner or later something dreadful happens. Still, it’s a lot of fun right up to that point.” Laura Ingalls Wilder

Author: Stephen Hise

Stephen Hise is the Evil Mastermind and founder of Indies Unlimited. Hise is an independent author and an avid supporter of the indie author movement. Learn more about Stephen at his website or his Amazon author page.

13 thoughts on “Feel Free to Misquote Me”

  1. So entertaining, I actually postponed fishing this morning to read it. I would make this comment longer, but as I said, I am supposed to be fishing. 'The early bird gets the big damn fish'

  2. Wow, you've inspired me to rework one of my favorite writing related quotes so it make more sense: "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read, and oozey. Very oozey." – Groucho Marx

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