Lynne Cantwell wrote an excellent article on the relatively new trend of providing trigger warnings for books.
Of course, it is impossible to know what might offend or shock another person. This can make it difficult to write a trigger warning that would accomplish the desired objective. It is also important to authors that any trigger warnings avoid creating spoilers, ruining carefully-crafted and suspenseful passages in the book for readers who may not have such delicate sensibilities.
Obviously, someone needed to step up and provide a ready-to-use template for these trigger warnings. We’re here to help. We asked our crack legal team* to come up with a template that could be used to meet these complex criteria. You’re welcome.
This book contains words, including, but not limited to: nouns, pronouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, conjunctions, interjections, and prepositions. If you are a person who has suffered a psychological trauma from any of these types of words, individually or in combination with other words, please do not read this book. Also, you should probably stop reading this warning, as it is also comprised of words. Maybe we should have put that first.
If you have any known or suspected sensitivity to punctuation marks, including but not limited to: periods, commas, apostrophes, question marks, exclamation marks, that upside-down question mark thingy, and that other thing that looks like the chemical symbol for boron, you should stop reading now. Actually, we already used some punctuation marks in this warning. Sorry about that.
Persons who have an aversion or sensitivity to warnings should stop reading before the very first sentence of the first paragraph of the warning. Our apologies for placing this so late in the warning.
We hope you enjoy the book. If not, you probably shouldn’t have been reading it. Our apologies.
*The Crack Legal Team wishes it to be known that the term “Crack Legal Team” as used herein is not meant to imply any sort of legal training or qualifications of any kind. Further, they are not lawyers, and do not play lawyers on T.V.