Yes, that’s right. Bob Hammond here once again. You all know me as a bestselling author with a larger-than-life personality. That’s right. My reputation precedes me.
That’s why I have to say, while these folks here at Undies Unlimited sure do have their hearts in the right places, I finally have to put my foot down. On them. You see, being an “Indie” doesn’t mean it’s okay to sit around in your underwear writing. No sir. Writing should be done whilst wearing a suit and a tie. We’re professionals, you know.
So, I have decided to start my own web site to champion and pioneer the way for you little Indies. That’s right. I shall call it Indies, Limited, because there will be a dress code. Let’s class the joint up a little, shall we?
And to kick off the launch of this new site – which is typographically error-free, by the way – I’m pleased to announce the release of the first new book published under the Indies, Limited label! Yes, that’s right, I actually used an exclamation point. Because you need this.
Since I have published eleventy million books, you little Indies may have quite a conundrum on your hands trying to figure out which ones are best for you. Since they’re all so incredibly good, of course. So, to make it easy for you, Indies, Limited and I have put together a smorgasbord wrapped in a buffet pushed on a dim sum cart just for you. It contains the chapter ones of all my books, at one low, low price. We’re calling it Eleventy-Million Chapter Ones. That’s right. Each chapter one has a purchase link at the end of it so you can buy the book that pleases you the most. Ah, the brilliance of that idea. I bet the Undies people here wish they’d thought of it.
So hurry on over to my pioneering new website, Indies, Limited. But make sure you’re wearing a tie. We can’t be having ruffians running about in their underwear. You’re welcome.
Ooooh, clever that link goes to the ‘real’ First Chapters book – and it’s only $0.87. Come on people – what a bargain.
And just when I’d finally gotten comfortable with spending all morning at the computer in my pjs.
So who’s Bob Hammond? His reputation may precede him, but it never came this way!
And I can’t write whilst wearing a tie, it strangles all thought. It would however, be useful for wiping my specs whenever they get steamed up, so maybe I’ll try draping one round my shoulders.
Can I wear a tie on my undies??? Or can I merely wear it around my head like I usually do? The tie, not my undies…
Bob, I’m SO glad you’ve done this. I was looking for inspiration, and obviously this is what I needed. Oh, uh, I don’t own any ties, though. I guess a dress and high heels will have to do?
Do I have to wear a tie to buy your book, Bob?
Now I feel left out. I write picture books, so they don’t have chapters. I suppose I could do a catalogue of illustrations, but I didn’t do them. What a conundrum. Great idea!
-chokes laughing- ‘In Your Own Hands: A Single Man’s Guide to Internet Romance’…oh I can’t breathe… stop!