Seth and Amos and I saw the fancy rig waiting outside as we walked up. The driver sat there stoically, waiting for his passenger to return.
There was no mistaking it. This was the Amish mafia. Somebody must’ve failed to show up to the midnight barn raising.
Now there would be a shunning going on – a brutal shunning, indeed. To our everlasting shame, we averted our eyes and quickly walked by.
Yet, we were not to escape unscathed. As we turned the corner, we saw the carriage start our way. The driver’s eyes bore at us. Just when it seemed there was no escape…
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Seth and Amos and I saw the fancy rig waiting outside as we walked up. The driver sat there stoically, waiting for his passenger to return.
Seth was the oldest, by three months, but when you are twelve these kinds of things scare you and his face took on the color of milk! Amos said, “Come on Seth, it can’t be all that bad.”
“That’s easy for you to say Amos, he wasn’t giving you the stare down and I really think he is genuinely evil!”
I was trying to take a positive spin on this thing, but had to agree with Seth, “That Amish guy has to be a member of their mafia, and I did think it was strange the way he started following us.”
His Amish mafia surrey was right alongside of us when the driver jumped out and grabbed Amos, pulling him toward the surrey. I ran out in front of him and as he went to pass me I tripped him. He fell, and Amos was free! All three of us took off before Mr. Amish could regain his footing, and as we darted down the alley we could hear him whipping his horses into a total frenzy. As the alley dumped into the street we pulled down a couple garbage cans to slow him down.
Our hero, policeman James Kelly, was at the corner and we were safe; wrong, his name wasn’t Kelly but Johansson and the Amish guy was his father…
Just when it looked like there was no escape panic started to over take me. Amos said “Take it easy. Don’t do anything stupid.” Of course I took offense to that. “What do you mean don’t do anything stupid!” I growled. Seth groan “I can’t believe you two are going to start when the Amish mafia is staring us down. We both screamed “Shut up!” at Seth. He just shook his head and looked at the Amish mafia. “Just kill me.” Seth said. The Amish mafia looked back and forth between me and Amos. After some consideration the Amish mafia laughed and they moved on. Why? I don’t know it was a mystery to Amos and I. Seth shook his head “Why! I will tell you why! Because not even the Amish mafia can stand your two continuous bickering!” Wow who thought Amos and my bickering would one day save our lives.
As the carriage drew up beside us, the driver scowled at us saying, “U jongens zoekt problemen?” Seth and Amos looked at me, their eyes wide in fear. It was time to reveal the secret I had been keeping. I pulled the Beretta 92 out of its holster beneath my long black coat and put one round in the drivers forehead and two in his passenger’s ear. As I calmly re-holstering my weapon, I looked at my two stunned friends. Their expressions had gone from fear to absolute shock and disbelief.
Seth said incredulously, “U Amish? Was dat niet een soort ding om te doen.”
I just laughed and said, “Oh ya, I’m an alien, I’m a legal alien. I’m an Englishman in York PA.”
Seth and Amos looked at me, their eyes wide in fear. My cover blown, I left them standing there to sort out what they had just seen. Besides, my assignment was over. I had uncovered the mysterious Amish hitters and my report would say they had endangered the lives of innocent witnesses. I think Seth and Amos would back up my story if it came to that. But it wouldn’t come to that, what happened here stayed here. It was not unlike Vegas in that way.
The driver’s eyes seem to change, becoming bigger, more feral, almost reptilian.
Seth turned to Amos in askance “Do thou see that?”
Amos was petrified saw the driver seem to grow in size, his skin taking on a scaly green nature. “Yea, I dost. Truly, we are hades bound!”
Seth looked back and saw the driver’s clothes shred as he grew a long tail and his feet became taloned. The driver’s jaws, now part of a long snout, parted to reveal rows of sharp white teeth. The transformed Amish Mafioso leered hungrily at the two young men.
Seth started running, pulling on the coarse material of Amos’ jacket, urging him on as well. They stumbled away from the scene, running down what turned out to be a blind alley. Seth got to the wooden wall at the end and stretched and jumped, trying to find a purchase to climb the smooth wall.
Amos suddenly drew in his breath sharply and was quiet. Seth slowly turned to see his friend looking at the other end of the alley. A large velociraptor with glowing eyes filled the way. With a terrifying smile it lunged, and the darkness took the two young men.
Hours later, Seth awoke. It was night and Amos snored beside him. Wiping his eyes and sighing, one hand went to his pocket, pulling out a small square of paper with a blue airplane printed on it. He tossed it away. Seth had had enough of Rumspringa for one day.
We hid behind the well, too shocked to move.
“Stay down” Seth whispered to me and Amos, but our curiosity overwrote our common sense. Synchronized, we rose to peer just above the stone rim of the well.
“That is the fanciest carriage I ever did see,” Amos said quietly out of the side of his mouth. “Did you notice the driver?”
Seth shook his head. “Not his face. Only the sweep of his long black coat.“
“Was there a passenger?”
“Another man, in the same kind of coat, but wearing a big black hat.”
Someone had done something wrong, and now they were paying for it. But what? And who?
Suddenly, women burst through the door of the meeting hall, lace skirts grabbed up in one hand, their children clasped in the other. They moved in slow motion, the ties from their bonnets flapping as they ran.
“Should we not do something?” Amos asked.
“Like what?”
“Well, there was only two of them, and there are three of us.”
Seth shook his head. “Do not be crazy. If that is truly the mafia, then they would send more.”
“Let them send more,” I said. “Amos is right. You two give a distraction, draw the two men out. I will take care of the rest.”
Seth covered his mouth, muffling his laughter. “And what could a shrimp like you do?”
“Draw them out and I will show you.”
Amos and Seth exchanged glances then nods. They ran, crouched down, to the church, and rang the bell.
When the men in black emerged, I took aim, striking each in the head. Now everyone would know I was deadly with a slingshot. I didn’t much care for that.
“I wish they’d be done with the carriage rides already!”
“Where do you think we’re going next?”
“I have no idea. I’m out after this one. It’s my last one. My last ride.”
“What are you talking about? You can’t leave! Where are you gonna go? Join the circus?”
“I don’t know but I’ve had it. All the ahhhs and ohhhs and uhhhs. I can’t stand it anymore. Constantly walking in circles. I gotta get out of here.”
“Well, suit yourself. I’m going to stay.”
“Why?”
“To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure what else I would do. This seems like a good option. The work isn’t that hard. There’s food, water, a roof over my head.”
“I heard about the Wild.”
“The Wild?”
“Yes. The Wild.”
“What is it?”
“I’m not exactly sure but I think it’s an area. Somewhere. Out there.”
“So?”
“So, I think that’s where I’m gonna go.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Come on now. Don’t be silly.”
“I don’t think I am.”
” This, right here, is where it’s at. You can’t just go out there, wherever that might be and… I don’t even know what you would do when you get there. What would you do?”
“I’m not sure but I think I’ll find something. It’s the Wild. So, I’m sure there will be plenty of things to do, don’t you think?”
“You’re gonna leave?”
“Leave, run, bolt, escape, yes.”
“How?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re crazy.”
“I know.”
“Good luck.”
“And to you.”
“Get in. He wants a word.”
Sweat trickled down Amos’s back, but not from the heat. The carriage creaked as he and Seth climbed in, carefully averting their eyes from the figure seated on the other bench. A dark straw hat obscured the man’s eyes, but there was no doubting the anger in his posture. Seth’s hands shook like an old man and he clasped his bag, the one that held his camera. They both jumped as the reins snapped. The rhythmic clopping of the horse’s hooves offered no comfort today.
“Your partner is already gone. Seth will leave tomorrow night,” said the Amish patenonkel. “The three of you should never have returned after your rumspringa if you weren’t going to abide by the rules. Neglecting to pay my tithe from your illicit photo studio is bad enough, but photographing my niece?”
Chills ran down Amos’s spine. For three years they had run the studio without paying the mafia one cent. Now they were toten because he fell for a beautiful brunette with hazel eyes. She had looked so seductive in that black dress, her bonnet clasped between her teeth as she undid her bun. Just the thought set his heart pounding with desire. The pictures had been beyond gorgeous.
“Punishment is necessary, Amos, but Emma shouldn’t pay for your transgressions. From now on you shoot for me.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Don’t be late tomorrow morning.”
“Sir?”
“For your wedding to Emma. You owe me healthy enkelkinder.”
the barrel of a musket blazed from a rear window. We looked at each other, each of us stood unharmed.
The carriage rolled past us, curtains drawn over the windows. If we hadn’t seen the barrel and heard the shot we would not have known that it came from the carriage.
A scream came from across the street. The three of us rushed over to see what had happened. Ol’ man Smith had been gunned down. The musket ball had torn through his throat.
He had not been doing so well at the barn raisings of late. At least that had been the word on the street. His debts had gotten the better of him. The Clancy’s don’t suffer welshers for long.
Was a shame really, his wife being with child and all. I didn’t tell the others but I do find her to be quite fetching. I might have to stop by and console the poor widow. At the least she might offer me some pie. Her apple pie with streusel is the best in the community.
“Woof,” I said, raising an eyebrow of warning, but knowing full well that the boys would just think I was battling a flea. Turning, I did the Lassie ‘Follow Me’ routine, but it wasn’t working.
“It’s getting closer!” gasped Seth.
“What am I supposed to do with all these potatoes we pinched?” asked a scared-looking Amos.
“Woof!”
The carriage was bearing down on us, and by the devilish look in the driver’s eye, I knew he didn’t mean to give us directions.
“Run!” Seth shouted.
We did. Down that stony road we pelted as fast as our legs could carry us, and was I glad that I had four, I can tell you. On we ran, coughing on the dust thrown up in the summer haze.
“I feel like we’re in that film, ‘Duel’,” said Seth.
“No time for jokes,” grumbled Amos. “Do you wanna carry this sack?”
Seth shook his head, and we all skidded as the lane turned. We charged on beneath the boughs of the sheltering trees. Glancing back, I barked in fright. I could see the whites of the Devil’s eyes and he was laughing.
“Let’s jump off the road,” suggested Seth, panting. “He can’t get us there.”
Grinning, Amos hurtled off to the right, tripping over the potatoes and landing with a thud.
“Guess I’m the brains of the outfit,” said Amos, laughing as the demon rattled by.
No, that would be me. I tried to tell you guys earlier, but would you listen? “Woof!”
woof woof G O O D!!!!!!!!!
🙂
…we tumbled through the nearest doorway into an empty blacksmith shop. I tripped over my long dress and knocked into Seth. We tried to look like customers, drifting through the rows of harness parts, but kept our real focus on the doorway. The jangle of chimes made me whimper. The driver stepped inside and I started to shake. Suddenly, a voice boomed from the back of the shop. “Can I help you?”
A huge man wearing a leather apron stood behind the counter with a long piece of metal in his hand, cash register to his right. He was English, that’s what we call non-Amish, but there was something familiar about his face.
The driver said, “I will take these kinder back to their farms. No need to concern yourself, stranger.”
The blacksmith lifted up a portion of the counter to walk forward. Seth grabbed my hand and I smelled his sweat. The blacksmith towered over the driver, his torso and arms thick with muscles. It was easy to imagine him swinging a hammer.
“I guess I’m not a stranger, John Stoltzus.”
“You are no one anymore,” the driver said.
Amos looked at me with wide eyes. No one ever confronted the mafia or called them by name. The men paid no attention to us. My rabbit heart skittered in my chest, but this was our only chance.
We crept outside to the waiting rig. Seth and Amos piled in and I brought the reins down with a snap.