Some Assembly Required

Once while I was Christmas shopping,
And from store to store was hopping,
Buying quaint and curious gadgets, gizmos and gifts galore,
My list was near completed,
I was not yet quite defeated,
Lest the children should feel cheated,
And left wanting one thing more.

As I staggered down the aisles,
Returning store clerks’ plastic smiles,
Seeking still that single present that all the kids desired,
Then I saw the thing I sought,
And with another shopper fought,
To be the one who found and bought,
That which the children so admired.

Over this one last travail,
When at last I had prevailed,
To the checkout line I took what I acquired,
Only after paying dearly,
Did I come to see quite clearly,
In letters printed cavalierly,
“Some assembly required.”

Their meaning not surmised,
To my young and callow eyes,
I loaded up and headed homeward, now inspired,
I had then no premonition,
Saw no daunting imposition,
From the box’s admonition,
“Some assembly required.”

Wits and tools I then did muster,
Though the task had lost its luster,
At the prospect of the work to which I had aspired
A thousand parts did glimmer
Sparkle, twinkle, even shimmer,
As the chore seemed ever grimmer,
“Some assembly required.”

I vainly sought instruction,
To assist me in construction,
But in this, it seemed ill fortunes had conspired
Among the papers spread around,
There was no English version found
Only the words, “Some assembly required.”

Against growing consternation,
I did decipher illustrations,
To render yet some semblance of the object so admired,
But the diagrams did daunt me,
Surplus pieces there did taunt me,
Till the words had come to haunt me,
“Some assembly required.”

Then my brain did slip its pallet,
And seizing up my mallet,
I did smash and crush and fracture, all the pieces on the floor,
The children then came streaming,
Like a horde of demons screaming,
Running to the box and beaming,
Only this, and nothing more.

And to this very day,
It is their favorite source of play,
That empty box embodies all the fun that is desired,
Powered by imagination,
It is race car or space station,
And always there emblazoned,
“Some assembly required.”




Author: Stephen Hise

Stephen Hise is the Evil Mastermind and founder of Indies Unlimited. Hise is an independent author and an avid supporter of the indie author movement. Learn more about Stephen at his website or his Amazon author page.

9 thoughts on “Some Assembly Required”

  1. Hilarious. We had a friend who owned a small hobby shop. He wanted to call ir “Some Assembly Required” but that was trademarked so he called it “Requiring Some Assembly”. So this brought back some great memories. 🙂

  2. Oh, the recollections your limerick promotes from the backblocks of my memory banks; conjuring up long, frustrating and maddening Christmas Eves, which are now, happily, memories to smile about; actually in some cases to laugh out loud about. Isn’t it funny, don’t you think, how near disasters become the subject of amusing anecdotes?

    1. Glad you enjoyed it, T.D. You are so right. Things that may have infuriated us at the time become oft-told anecdotes and the subject of amusement in good time. 🙂

  3. Yup–how well I remember the story of how my Dad assembled a slide in the garage, in the middle of the night, only to find the completed product did not fit through the door into the backyard. So, at midnight, or later, he and Mom had to carry it out the big door, around the side, and then hoist it over the fence (we didn’t have a gate at that time). Oh yeah–the air was blue around there for a long time. Quoth the Dad, “Never the hell more”.

    And we kids did have more fun playing with empty boxes than we ever did with the toys themselves. Best thing–sliding down a grassy hill inside a cardboard box. Not til years later did I realize those hills were probably infested with rattlesnakes in the summer. Ignorance is bliss.

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