Month: January 2013

Formula for a Romance Bestseller

The Kiss of Night
All romantic blockbusters should have smoking hot women and half naked men.

[This is a satirical article. If you want instruction on how to write a romance novel from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about, try this article. – The Administrators.]

In my last installment, I shared with you the formula for writing a blockbuster action/adventure bestseller. I really can’t believe you missed it, but in case you did, you can read it here. In this installment, I’m going to give you the top secret formula for writing the romance novel that people just can’t resist. That includes the people in Hollywood. They’re going to be banging down your door to get their hands on this one, so watch out. I hope you’re prepared for all that fame and fortune, because it’s coming!

What makes me think I can tell you how to do this? Well, sure, I haven’t actually written a romance novel, but there is romance in my novels. Also, they filmed Failure to Launch and The Wedding Crashers right near where I lived. Not good enough? I’ve won awards, for crying out loud. Whether they have anything to do with writing doesn’t matter, really. They’re awards. Be impressed and shut up.

Now let’s get to it. Follow my advice below, and you’ll be Hollywood-bound, my friend!

Continue reading “Formula for a Romance Bestseller”

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A New Year’s Gif from Me to You

Ok, it’s a terrible pun but I have a good excuse.

“Who wants to do a tutorial on animated gifs?” asked Kat one day, while we minions huddled together over a bowl of gruel for warmth.

“I’ll give it a go,” I volunteered, all brave-like. “I want to animate a header for a website I’m working on anyway, it’ll be a good chance to learn how.” The minions sniggered, I’m sure I heard someone whisper, “geek”.

“Well, make it simple.” Kat, whip in hand, was attempting to balance on her new three-inch stiletto-heeled boots, a gift from Santa. Allegedly. “I’ve only made them in Photoshop so far and that’s too much of a drama.”

I got a bit nervous, Kat actually knew this stuff. “Um, do writers really need to know about animated gifs?” The other minions grinned and started passing notes around.

“We all need to use our websites better,” Kat thundered. “Find me an easy and free way for everyone to add animations to their blogs.” Continue reading “A New Year’s Gif from Me to You”

Sneak Peek: The Chicago Terminus

Today we have a sneak peek from author John C. Payne’s mystery novel, The Chicago Terminus.

Rod Richards hooks up with an old Army buddy who owns a P.I. agency. Richards is hired to track Shamus Fenerty, a trucking giant and big Democratic contributor suspected of infidelity. Later he is hired by a wealthy Vietnamese immigrant to find her son, given up to an orphanage at the fall of Saigon and subsequently adopted by a Chicago family. Green Bay and Door County Wisconsin will come into exciting play. The many twists and turns will keep the reader in suspense, not to mention Rod’s somewhat truncated personal life issues.

The Chicago Terminus is available through Amazon.com and Amazon UK.

And now, an excerpt from The Chicago Terminus… Continue reading “Sneak Peek: The Chicago Terminus”